Stuck? He isn’t stuck, he’s a genius.
He’s been trying to solve the same problem for years. He’s the definition of stuck.
That’s the definition of insanity, which he definitely is. （This she says fondly.） Okay fine, he’s insane, is she happy now?
Immensely. （She is.）
The point is he doesn’t need her to be anything, he doesn’t need her to be on pills. He’d like her to be honest if she wants to be but if she’s going to lie then he’d like to be in on it.
That doesn’t make any sense.
Yes it does, he doesn’t want to be the person she hides from, he wants to be the person she hides with. These are distinct, doesn’t she realize? Does she have any idea how difficult he finds it to exist with other people? And then here she is, this mystery, this puzzle, does she even know how much he loves her unpredictability, her twists and turns? She thinks her brain is some sort of problem? Fine, good, he loves problems.
He keeps saying the word ‘love.’ Does he realize that?
Well, he hasn’t exactly thought about it, but what is he supposed to say?
She doesn’t expect him to say anything, she’s just … commenting. They’ve never talked about love before, only sex.
That’s because he has only loved people he’s never fucked and fucked people he doesn’t love, purely by coincidence. Sex has always been an afterthought.
Strange to think he has afterthoughts. That’s too many thoughts. Besides, sex is about forgetting, about feeling.
He doesn’t like to forget or to feel.
So he doesn’t like sex with her?
No, he didn’t say that, he loves sex with her.
‘Love’ again. He’s doing it again.
Fine, he likes sex with her, is that better?
No, it isn’t. He likes it?
See, that’s why he said love.
He isn’t very good at words.
No, he isn’t, he knows that, people dislike his words and also, he can’t explain anything. She’s seen him teach, hasn’t she? She knows that.
Why doesn’t he just get better at it?
She should go to art school.
Okay, now he’s deflecting.
No, he’s thinking. She should be an artist and if she wants to go to art school, she should.
He doesn’t know anything about art, he’s just biased.
Towards what?
Her, obviously.
No, he would tell her if he thought she wasn’t good at it. Or at least, he wouldn’t tell her that it was good if it wasn’t.
Well, he’s still wrong. Maybe it’s pleasing to his untrained eye but she can’t exactly just become an artist, it doesn’t work like that.
Right, that’s why he said school, if she wants.
She needs something, first. An idea.
An impossible problem? （He’s teasing, but she’s serious.）
Yes, that. Something worth devoting all her thoughts to.
Can’t she stumble on that?
Yes, conceivably she could, but she wants to find it first before she decides to invest in it.
How is she going to find it? Not like that, just to be clear. （He’s shaking his head as she makes her way down his torso.） She doesn’t know. Jesus, can’t he just be a normal guy, just take the blow job and say thank you?
He thanks her. But also he’s serious, he wants her to find it, can he help?
He can help by being quiet.
She should know right now that the secrets of the universe aren’t in his dick.
Has he checked?
He’s familiar with the real estate.
That’s not what she means.
He, genuinely, has no idea what she means.
（Silence.）
They should fight more often.
She was thinking the same thing. What were his reasons, just blow jobs? He can have those without fighting, it’s part of the all-inclusive package.
No, not blow jobs, he thinks he can feel them （he-and-she them） changing their shapes a little. And he’s been this-shaped for so long that he could do with some expansion.
Weird thing to say, but she isn’t surprised.
She doesn’t know what he means? He’s pretty sure she knows what he means.
Well, fine, maybe she does. But she feels different all the time now, so who knows if it’s him or something else or everything?
Could she have loved him if she’d kept up with her pills?
No, she couldn’t have, she wouldn’t have let herself, or the pills wouldn’t have let her. And also, he said it again.
What, love? Probably because he’s not as good a liar as she is.
She knows.
Does that mean she feels the same way?