He took a breath. Needing it. He had to face her. Had to look at her and see the truth of what she thought. Seychelle couldn’t hide from him any more than he could hide from her. She either would order him away from her, sickened by what she’d heard, or she would have the courage in her to face the monster with him.
He slowly turned his head until his eyes met hers. Those blue eyes swam with tears. There was no condemnation on her face. She had too much empathy in her, too much compassion. She saw the things he’d told her in vivid detail. The little boy beaten, brutalized, raped. The cigarettes put out on his body. The blowtorch they’d used on him. The branding iron. The terrible scars left from the deep lashes of the bullwhips and slashes of the knives. She could see a lot more evidence than that, but now those images were in her mind. Trapped there, both a gift and a curse. A gift to pull out when she needed a reminder of how he got the way he was. A curse because the images would haunt her, give her nightmares.
“Savage.” She whispered his name. “I’m so sorry. I don’t understand how anyone could do those things to a child.”
Neither could he. She wouldn’t understand his need for justice. His need to show those fuckers what it was like to be brutalized. To be tortured. He hadn’t told her the things he’d seen. The children who had died because he wasn’t strong enough to save them. He didn’t tell her how he and the others had escaped, but he knew one day she’d ask.
“I don’t know if I’m strong enough,” Seychelle admitted in a small voice. “I’ve never considered doing anything like this.”
“You’re strong enough. You’re the strongest woman I’ve ever come across. It’s a commitment for both of us. We both have to choose. Here. Tonight. You have to be certain I’m trustworthy. The things I’ll demand of you, the things I’ll do to you, will take trust. You have to give that to me the way you did when you got on the back of my bike. You have to know I would never harm you. Never. You’re mine to take care of. I want to give you every reason to stay in love with me, to want to turn over control to me when we’re in that situation because you trust that you’re safe with me at all times, no matter what is happening. I want you to marry me, Seychelle. To know I’m in love with you and committed to this relationship and to you one hundred percent.”
“You’re that certain that you want marriage?”
“Once you’re mine, baby, I’d never be stupid enough to let you go. But you have to make that choice. I have to know you want me the same way I want you.”
“I don’t know the first thing about what you need or how I would provide that for you.”
“I know more than enough for both of us. I’ll always take care of you, Seychelle. There won’t be other women. There won’t be anyone I put higher than you. I’ll always know what I’ve asked of you.”
“And you’re going to do that to me? Whip me? Put red marks on my body?”
He nodded, his heart pounding until he was afraid he couldn’t catch his breath, but he wasn’t going to lie to her or pretend he wouldn’t do the things he craved. “I’ll do more than use a whip. It will hurt, but it will also give you the most pleasure you’ll ever know. I’ll make certain of that. You already know you respond. I showed you. A small preview, just to see if you would like what we did, and your body was extremely responsive.”
She was silent for a long time. He rubbed his hand down his face, trying to give her space. Trying not to touch her. To add seduction to his sins, but it was impossible. This was the most important battle of his life, and he had to use every weapon in his arsenal. It was for both of them. Her life. His. He stretched out on the bed again, his head on her belly, his arm around her hip, so he could use the pads of his fingers shamelessly, stroking caresses along that thin strip of lace. So he could breathe on her bare skin, rub the sandpaper bristles over her soft belly, leaving his mark.
“Tell me the rules. I don’t know if I can be someone you really need, Savage. I’m not going to say I can if I think it’s impossible.” Her voice shook. Her body trembled. In her eyes there was that hint of speculation, of desire. Of hope.
She wanted to be able to be his partner, to find his brand of sex as erotic in reality as it was in her fantasy. He knew it was frightening. She would be insane not to be scared. He used his hand to soothe her. Pressed little kisses along her hip bone.
“We already talked about you singing in the bar. When I say you’re done, that’s it. You’re finished. My brothers will know the signal, and they’ll be cool with it. You and I will work that out, and we’ll get good at it.”