Savage stood across from her, and he looked as devastated as she felt. She didn’t expect that. He shook his head. “Don’t. Seychelle, don’t. I know this hurts. I know it’s fucked up. I’m fucked up. You knew that. I never hid it. I did this to keep you from getting hurt.”
She knew that. God help her, she knew that. And she’d known he’d say that.
“I’m not the only one fucked up, Seychelle. You need me as much as I need you. You don’t want it to be true because it scares the crap out of you. I scare you. What’s between us scares you, and it should. It’s raw and violent, and it can get out of control. The thing is, look at you. Look at what happened to you. If you were my woman, that wouldn’t happen. Not ever. You want to know why? Because I would make absolutely certain I knew what was happening and I’d stop it. I’d teach you how to control it.”
“Unless it was all about you.”
He shook his head. “That’s where you’re wrong, baby. Especially when it’s about me. I’m that scary and that violent. We both know that. That’s when you have to be your strongest, and you make the choice, not me. That’s when you control what you take on. But you have to learn, because right now, you’re wide open and everything hurts you.”
She pulled her legs tighter to her chest. “You hurt me, Savage. Like no one else, and you’ll keep doing it. I can take a lot, but I can’t take that. You have to go. You’re tearing me up, and I can’t recover. There’s no way back for me.”
There was a long silence. Savage shook his head. “Seychelle. Baby. Think carefully before you do this. You throw me out and you mean it, there’s no way for me to come back from it. We have a code. Torpedo Ink has a code. We live it. We breathe it. I am Torpedo Ink. You say you mean it, I have to leave and I can’t come back.”
“I do mean it. You have to go. I don’t want you back.” She had to say it fast before she couldn’t say it. It was self-preservation, the only way to survive.
Again, there was a long silence. His voice was raw when he answered her. “Here’s the bottom line, Seychelle. You’ve made it impossible for me to come back inside your home. I have no choice but to leave, because you’re making it clear that’s what you want. But if you ever change your mind and you come to the club for any reason . . . Any reason. Be fuckin’ clear on that. You show up on a Thursday to rehearse with the band, you’re declaring to me that you want me. That you’re coming to me and you’re mine. There’s no going back from that decision. Are we clear?”
She couldn’t imagine that he’d think she was going to sing with his band. What? And watch women hang all over him?
“I don’t come inside your house. I’ll respect that. This is your space. But you respect mine. You don’t decide the clubhouse needs to be cleaned. You don’t cater a party or come to one. You don’t go into the laundry business.”
“You’ve lost your mind,” she whispered. Maybe he had. She felt a little as if she’d lost hers.
“I just want you to understand, Seychelle, because I mean every fuckin’ word I’m saying to you. You come to my territory for any reason, then all bets are off, and you belong to me. Do you understand what that would mean? You show up, you’re making the choice to be with me. That’s how I’m taking it. That’s what you’re declaring. And there won’t be any going back from it.”
She wasn’t a child. He couldn’t be making himself any clearer. She definitely understood every single word he said. It wasn’t like she was going to choose to go sing with his band. Or clean his clubhouse. Or wash his clothes. Or watch some woman blow him.
“I think I got it, Savage.” Her throat was so raw, it burned when she whispered to him.
“I’m not just going to leave you like this. I’ve texted Steele, and he’s on his way. Once he tells me you’re good, then I’ll go. He’s our doc.”
Fear coursed through her, bright and hot. She didn’t want a doctor examining her, not again. Never again. She didn’t want someone telling her—or him—her days were numbered. She didn’t need to hear that. She knew she looked scared. She could tell he saw too much just by the look on his face when she involuntarily pulled back, making herself small and giving a little cry of pain, both hands covering her temples and then her eyes.
Savage dimmed the lights immediately. He pulled her favorite tank she wore to bed from her drawer along with her little shorts, and impersonally pulled her shirt from over her head and then got rid of her bra. Without a word, he dressed her in her pajamas. Seychelle ignored him, rolling onto her side. She didn’t want to look at him. Her vision was so blurred anyway, trying to focus on anything, especially Savage, just made her sicker.