“Meow,” says the Troll.
“Baby,” says Louise breathlessly. “Did you miss me?”
“Like a hooker misses herpes. You look like shit.”
“Liar. I’m premium number one all time.”
“Where you been, prison?”
“Grandma put me in the looney bin, but I’m one hundred percent cured now and ready for love.”
From the sounds on the other end of the phone, the Troll is eating a bowl of cereal.
“Listen, lady bird,” he says, “maybe we can help each other out. Sugar Daddy needs his three meals a day, but in case you haven’t noticed, California is on fire right now, and it’s not the usual easy peasy to find food.”
“In San Francisco?”
“I wish. Sounds like he had a close call in Texas, so he went to ground. Where are you?”
“Riverside.”
“What the fuck for?”
“What do you care?”
“You’re right. I could give a shit.”
He takes another mouthful, slurping milk. “That’s perfect actually. Fucking Riverside. Genius. Meet me tomorrow outside the art museum at four.”
“There’s an art museum in Riverside?”
“Ha ha. Don’t be late, bitch.”
He hangs up. She throws the phone on the bed.
“Can we get a real meal tonight?” she asks Duane. “I can’t eat another fucking bag of chips.”
Duane grabs her by the shoulder, fakes slapping her.
“What did he say?!”
“We’re in. Riverside art museum tomorrow at four.”
“Wait. There’s an art museum in Riverside?”
“That’s what I said.”
She puts on her shoes, dreaming of burgers and fries. They’ve got $35 between them. That should get them fed and a little drunk while they figure out a plan.
*
The next day when they check out, the LeSabre won’t start. Duane and Louise hoof it through the urban sprawl, looking for a new set of wheels. Louise’s plan is to kidnap the Troll and make him take them to see the Wizard. Duane says, “It sounds like we don’t need force,” and, “Didn’t he say he’s taking you there already?” But Louise says they’re on a payback tour, and this preppy motherfucker deserves some payback like nobody’s business.
Duane thinks about arguing, but he’s still angry about the ambush, so he says, “Fuck it. I’m in. Let’s go get this cocksucker.” And Louise says, “Careful, some of my best friends suck cock.” And then, ’cause they’re in such a good mood, they decide to steal an Amazon delivery truck, because it’s funny and because there’s one idling driverless at the curb when they turn the corner. And so they jump in and Duane hauls ass, and they’re laughing and the radio is way up and Soundgarden is playing, and the sky is fucking orange overhead, and the mountains are on fire, and there are clowns in the streets with chain saws, but they’re young and alive and, for a few minutes, it feels like they’re in control.
And then Louise gets the idea that they should kidnap Evan using only items boxed up in the back of the truck.
“What does that mean?” Duane wants to know.
“It means we’re on a mission from God, right?” she says. “So you gotta figure he put this truck here for us and filled it with everything a girl might need to get some bloody revenge.”
“You mean to rescue Felix’s sister.”
“Right. What did I say?”
So while Duane drives to the art museum, Louise climbs in back and stares at the hundreds of boxes inside. She feels like a kid on Christmas, but she can’t open them all in the next thirty minutes. What’s a girl to do?
Louise decides she will open only four boxes. Whatever she finds inside will be what they use to grab the Troll.
Yes comes on the radio. “I’ve Seen All Good People.”
“Knife,” she yells, and Duane slips a folding knife from his pocket and tosses it back. Louise catches it, flips open the blade. She studies the boxes. So many shapes and sizes. Heavy boxes, light boxes. Short boxes, tall boxes. How is a girl supposed to choose?
She closes her eyes and grabs a light rectangle. She shakes it, and something solid moves inside. Slice goes the knife. Pop goes the box. And then she’s looking at a package of C batteries and some Velcro straps.
“This is gonna be interesting,” she says to the front seat.
The next box has a fanny pack in it that looks like a beer belly. She puts it around her waist, clips the clasp. “How do I look?”