The demon stops short and frowns at her. “And who are you?”
“I’m his advocate.”
It looks back at me. “You need an advocate, Shepard?”
“This is concerning the contract,” Penelope says crisply. She sounds very officious.
“The contract…” The demon’s eyes glow. （The woman’s eyes, the bear’s eyes; there’s a pair of eyes burning red in a black hole.） My tattoos start to swirl and itch.
Penelope looks unfazed. “It’s invalid, I’m afraid.”
“You should be afraid!” The demon turns to me. “Who is this mortal, Shepard? Who dares question our engagement?”
“I—”
Penelope steps between us. “Your arrangement is with Shepard Love?”
“Yes,” the demon growls.
“That isn’t this man’s name.”
The demon lurches closer to Penelope. “He lied to me?”
Penelope presses her lips together and tilts her head. “He didn’t fully disclose—”
“That is a lie!” the demon shouts. My head is full of static.
“Well”—Penelope shrugs, unimpressed—“whatever it is, it voids the contract.”
The demon looks at me over Penelope’s head. “I will disembowel you if this is true.”
“You could disembowel him after the wedding,” Penelope says, “if he is unfaithful; infertile; or if his face displeases you. The terms are clear. But providing false information merely invalidates the engagement.”
“Where does it say that?” the demon asks.
“Right above his wrist. ‘The agreement is null and void, and any favours or gifts shall be returned’—”
It huffs. “He didn’t ask for any favours!”
“That makes it easy, there’s nothing to undo.”
The demon looks especially bearlike and holelike for a moment. “This man called me of his free will!”
“I did,” I say, “I’m sorry.”
Penelope’s elbow catches me in the stomach.
“There were no tricks,” the demon goes on, “no entrapment! I wasn’t even looking for a husband!”
“We don’t dispute that,” Penelope says.
The demon jabs a paw into Penelope’s shoulder. “He summoned me with a time-tested, legally sound marriage proposal.”
“We stipulate to that fact.”
“He offered his name—and much else that I didn’t require!”
“I’m surprised you didn’t ask to see some identification,” Penelope says.
“Or attempt any due diligence.”
The demon huffs white smoke into Penelope’s face. “I could kill you both!”
Penelope, unbelievably, steps forward. “You could, but that isn’t what you agreed to do in the case of inadequate disclosure.” She takes another step.
“You agreed to invalidate the contract!”
The demon points at me, right over Penelope’s head. “I could elect to honour our covenant, regardless! I will come for you at the appointed hour, and take you on the long journey to my home, where we will be married for all my brethren to see. You will be immortal, because I will take you to a place where your kind cannot live or die.”
Penelope folds her arms. “You could choose to flout the law and disregard the contract … Perhaps your word is as worthless as his.”
The demon howls—the whole building vibrates—and then lumbers across the room to sit on Penelope’s couch. It looks like a woman again. Beautiful.
With skin a color my eyes can’t see. And hair like horns, like hair, like a hole.
Penelope takes a breath to say something.
“Quiet,” the demon says. “I’m thinking.”
I really want to apologize or smooth this over somehow. Maybe I should offer the demon something to drink. Penelope must smell it on me; she presses her lips together and shakes her head, hard.
“We’ll amend the agreement,” the demon says, “clarifying his name and the consequences for further dishonesty.”
“I’m not your advocate—” Penelope starts to say.
“Indeed you are not,” the demon snaps. “I was not informed that I’d need representation.”
“—but I’d advise you to take this opportunity to protect your assets.”
“My assets are perfectly secure.”
“I regret to inform you,” Penelope says, sounding a lot like someone who works at the DMV and doesn’t feel any regret at all, “that this man comes to you with many debts.”