All those messages he’d sent Aodhan, all the care packages, all the things Aodhan had seen as overprotective hovering, they’d been Illium’s way of reminding Aodhan of his existence. As if Aodhan would ever forget him.
Caliane didn’t attempt to touch him as she said, “We often don’t see the hurt we put on those we love most. And he is so bright, Sharine’s son, so full of life and laughter. He hides his bruises well, I think, your Bluebell, using that joyous self as an impenetrable shield.”
Heat burned Aodhan’s eyes, seared his throat. “How could I not see?”
“Oh, child. You’re young.” Husky laughter. “You think you’ve had so much time to heal from your wounds, but in immortal terms, you’ve had but a heartbeat. I Slept more than a thousand years to get over my madness, and I yet bear wounds that are open and raw.”
“I’m meant to be his best friend and I was so stuck in my own head that I didn’t see.” Aodhan wasn’t going to give himself a pass over this. “He’s the most important person in my universe.” A simple, profound truth.
Caliane’s wings were pure white in his peripheral vision as she spread them slightly, then pulled them back in. “You both have healing to do, growing to do. But you have one advantage over me and Sharine.”
Aodhan rose to his full height, feeling oddly old and heavy. Beaten. With the knowledge of all that Illium had borne and kept on smiling. It had taken Aodhan’s most recent abandonment for him to flinch and try to retreat. And even then, he’d forgiven with a wild grace that humbled Aodhan. “Advantage?”
Caliane’s eyes—those extraordinary eyes she’d passed on to the archangel who was Aodhan’s sire—were ablaze with light, fierce with emotion. “You are in the same time and place, able to hold on to each other, uplift each other. Do not squander that prize, young Aodhan.”
Aodhan felt an almost uncontrollable urge to take flight, return to China. But to do that would be to go against the unspoken wishes of an archangel. “I need to go back, need to find a way.” He’d ask Suyin; she wouldn’t deny him, even if it threw a wrench in the smooth transition of seconds.
“Oh, you young ones. Always moving before you think.” A faint affectionate smile. “This is a new realization for you, a new understanding. Let it settle. Think on what it means—and ask yourself if you can be the friend he needs.”
Aodhan flinched as if struck.
But Caliane was shaking her head. “I say this not as an indictment, but as advice. In all the times you’ve come to Amanat, including all the short runs you did to deal with important tasks for Suyin, I see a growing fierceness of independence in you—you don’t even like it when my maidens dare bring you trays of food.”
Heat burned his cheeks. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be rude.”
“You never were,” Caliane said. “That doesn’t mean my maidens are not clever and able to work such things out on their own. They had no idea what to do about a visiting angel who wanted no assistance whatsoever, approached me for advice for they know you are dear to my own son. I told them to let you be and treat you as a resident rather than a guest, that you’d find your own way to food and supplies.”
Aodhan hadn’t even noticed the subtle change in how the people of Amanat treated him. “Thank you, Lady Caliane.”
“You have stood beside my son with fidelity and courage. That matters a great deal to a mother.” She began to walk again, and because he was lost, he fell in with her. A wild horse materialized out of the mist at that very instant, and she stroked its dark flank as they walked.
“My friend Sharine is also generous of heart.” An incredible depth of warmth in Caliane’s tone. “She gives without fear, without compunction. I think her son has inherited this tendency. Can you accept him giving to you? Or will you break his heart by insisting he not care for you in the way that is his?”
Aodhan thought of the care packages that had made him feel suffocated and trapped, suddenly wanted to gather each and every one close to him, hold on like a miser. But—“Care is one thing, but he can be protective beyond reason, and I can’t be protected anymore.” It would tear open barely healed things inside him.
“Is there no middle ground?” Caliane asked, then held up a hand. “Do not answer me now. This is what I mean when I say you should fly home and think.” Power pulsed off her now, a vastness of age and strength, but that wasn’t what held him in place. No, it was the wisdom in eyes that had seen more yesterdays than he could imagine.