The harsh light through the crack in her curtains had woken her earlier than she’d planned, pulling her out of the after-pill fog. This experiment had seemed a good idea at the time, on three hours’ sleep, although now, checking in with Ravi’s uncertain eyes, she wasn’t sure. Lost her footing again.
She could feel his gaze on her, warm against her cheek. No, what was he doing? He should be watching out for the birds, helping her.
‘Hey,’ he said quietly, his voice hovering just above a whisper.
But Pip didn’t hear what he said next, because there was a dark shape in the sky, a winged shadow growing on the drive below. Pip’s eyes caught it as it swooped down, landing on its twig legs and hopping over to the scattered bread.
‘No,’ she breathed out. It wasn’t a pigeon. ‘Stupid magpie,’ she said, watching as it scooped up a small square of bread in its beak, and then another.
‘One for sorrow,’ said Ravi.
‘We have plenty of that in Little Kilton already,’ Pip replied, as the bird helped itself to a third piece of bread. ‘Hey,’ she shouted suddenly, surprising herself too, banging on the window with her fist. ‘Hey, go away! You’re ruining it!’ Her knuckles hit against the glass so hard, she didn’t know which would crack first. ‘Go away!’ The magpie jumped into the air and flew off.
‘Whoa, whoa, whoa,’ Ravi said quickly, grabbing her hands away from the window, holding them tightly inside his grip. ‘Whoa, hey,’ he said, shaking his head at her. His voice hard, but his thumb soft as he ran it against her wrist.
‘Ravi, I can’t see the window, the birds,’ she said, straining her neck to try to look outside and not at him.
‘No, you don’t need to look outside.’ He tucked his finger under her chin, guided it back. ‘Look at me, please. Pip.’ He sighed. ‘This isn’t good for you. It really isn’t.’
‘I’m just trying –’
‘I know what you’re trying, I understand.’
‘He didn’t believe me,’ she said quietly. ‘Hawkins didn’t believe me. No one believes me.’ Not even her sometimes, a new wave of doubts after her dream last night, wondering again whether it was possible she was doing this to herself.
‘Hey, that’s not true.’ Ravi held her hands even tighter in his. ‘I believe you. I will always believe you, whatever it is. That’s my job, OK?’ He held her eyes, and that was good because hers suddenly felt wet and heavy, too heavy to hold alone. ‘It’s me and you, trouble. Team Ravi and Pip. Someone left those birds for you, and the chalk, you don’t have to try prove otherwise. Trust yourself.’
She shrugged.
‘And Hawkins is an idiot, frankly,’ Ravi said with a small smile. ‘If he hasn’t learned by now that you’re – annoyingly – always right, then he never will.’
‘Never,’ Pip repeated.
‘It’s going to be OK,’ he said, drawing lines in the valleys between her knuckles. ‘Everything will be OK, I promise.’ He paused, staring at the space below her eyes a little too long. ‘Did you get much sleep last night?’
‘Yes,’ she lied.
‘Right.’ He clapped his hands together. ‘I think we need to get you out of the house. Come on. Up, up. Socks on.’
‘Why?’ she said, sinking into the bed as Ravi got off.
‘We’re going out for a walk. Oh, what a fantastic idea, Ravi, you’re so smart and handsome. Oh, Pip, I know I am, but do try to keep it in your pants, your father is downstairs.’
She threw a pillow at him.
‘Come on.’ He dragged her out of bed by her ankles, giggling as she and the duvet slid to the floor. ‘Come on, Sporty Spice, you can put your trainers on and run circles around me if you really want.’
‘I already do,’ Pip quipped, fighting her feet into a pair of discarded socks.
‘Ooohhhh, sick burn, Sarge.’ He clapped her on the backside as she stood up. ‘Let’s go.’
It worked. Whatever Ravi was doing, it worked. Pip didn’t think about disappearing or dead birds or chalk lines or DI Hawkins, not on the way down the stairs, not when her dad stopped them to ask her where all the wafer-thin ham had gone, not even as they walked down the driveway, Ravi’s fingers hooked on to her jeans, heading for the woods. No pigeons, no chalk, no six gunshots disguised in the beating of her heart. It was just the two of them. Team Ravi and Pip. No thoughts beyond the first inane things that came into her head. No deeper, no darker. Ravi was the fence in her head that kept it all back.