This is just a practice, and maybe it will make me feel better, knowing that I could send this, even though I can’t. Talking it through with myself, outside of my head.
I know who the DT Killer is.
I saw him. I saw him with Julia Hunter. I know it was her, 100%. They were holding hands. I saw him kiss her cheek too. He doesn’t know I saw them. And I wasn’t that surprised to see them together. But then, six days later, she’s dead. He killed her. I know he did. I knew it as soon as I saw her face on the news. Everything fits now, all of those other details. I should have worked it out before this.
I don’t know why I contacted HH. I thought maybe she might know too, or have suspicions about who killed her sister, and I could have someone to talk about it with. Work out what to do together. But she doesn’t know. She doesn’t know anything. And, I don’t know why, but I feel like I have a responsibility to her, to make sure she’s OK. Because I know who killed her sister and I don’t know how to tell her. If someone touched Becca, I would be broken.
I can’t tell Sal. He probably already thinks I’m fucked up enough. There’s so much I have to hide from him, because he’s one of the only good things I have left, and he has to be protected. He can never come over, just in case.
I have this overwhelming sense of dread all the time, that if I don’t escape this town, it’s going to kill me. He’s going to kill me. He’s already started looking at me differently, or maybe that started years ago. I hope he doesn’t look at Becca like that. But I have a plan, have had a plan for a while now, just need to keep my head down. I’ve been saving up all the cash from Howie for almost a year. It’s hidden, no one will find it. I fucked up school though, so fucking stupid of me. That would have been the easiest way to escape, a university far away. No one would suspect a thing. But the only one I got into is here, and I’d have to stay in Kilton. I can’t stay at home.
Sal got into Oxford. I wish I could go with him. It’s not so far away, but it’s far enough. Maybe there’s something I can do to go too. If it’s not too late. I have to do anything to get out of here. Anything. I know Mr Ward helped him get his place, maybe he can help me too. Anything. At all costs.
And when I’m away and I’m safe, I’ll come back for Becca. She has to finish school first, she has to, she’s smart. But if I’m set up somewhere far away from here, she can come live with me, and when we are away and safe, maybe that’s when I tell the police who he is. Maybe that’s when I finally send this email, from anon, when he can no longer get to us, doesn’t know where we are.
That’s the plan at least. I have no one to talk it through with, except myself, but it’s the best I can do. I’ll have to delete this now, just in case.
This feels too big for me, but I think I can do it. Save us. Keep Becca safe. Survive.
I just have to m
Ravi scrolled it up and down again, shaking his head, and Pip could see the reflection of Andie’s words in the dark of his eyes. Even clearer now that they were filling with tears. The weight of her ghost inside him too, not just in her. A dead girl shared, a dead girl halved; they were the only two people in the world who knew. These weren’t Andie Bell’s final words, but they sure felt like it.
‘I don’t believe it,’ he said finally, cupping his hands around his face. ‘I can’t believe it. Andie, she… This changes everything. Everything.’
Pip sighed. There was an unutterable sadness in her gut, and still she was sinking through the floor, dragging Andie’s ghost with her. But she took Ravi’s hand, holding tight to anchor them all together. ‘I mean, it changes everything, and it changes nothing,’ she said. ‘Andie didn’t survive. It wasn’t DT who killed her, but it was everything she tried to do to escape him that did. Howie Bowers. Max Hastings. Elliot Ward. Becca. This is why it all happened. Everything. Full circle,’ she added quietly. The beginning was the end and the end the beginning, and DT was both.
Ravi wiped his eyes on his sleeve. ‘I just…’ His voice croaked, stifling his next words. ‘I don’t know how I feel about this. It’s… it’s too sad. And we, we’ve all been wrong about her. I couldn’t really understand what Sal saw in her before but… oh god, she must have been so terrified. So alone.’ He glanced up at Pip. ‘And this is it, isn’t it? The 21st February: it was right after this that she first approached Mr Ward, and…’