As soon as I walked into the tiny bathroom, I turned on both faucets and the shower to the max for privacy and went about my business. I reserved the right to let out a few dainty farts without being judged for it while I was in the comfort of my bathroom.
I took my time, showering, shampooing, brushing my teeth, applying all sorts of complimentary creams and slipping into fresh clothes I’d had the sense to carry up in my purse, knowing our luggage might not get delivered until after dinner. （Okay, Cruz had reminded me to snag the dress before we handed off our luggage with a snarky comment about dining room dress code.）
I even gave my hair a blow dry. I was tempted to pin it up and spray it to death like always, but then remembered I was not in Fairhope anymore. I could let myself be someone else, maybe the real me and not people’s expectations of me.
“All right, Perfect McPerfson, the shower is all yours.” I got out of the bathroom with a spring to my step.
Cruz was gone.
I found Cruz in the dining room thirty minutes later.
Walked in with my Anna Nicole Smith red lipstick and tight black mini dress that didn’t leave much room for imagination.
Our assigned table somehow boasted an ocean view （I did not believe luck had anything to do with it）。 Cruz shared his dinner with one of the cruise directors, whose sole job was to look sparkly and pretty while convincing guests they were having enough fun to book another cruise.
She was sitting in my assigned seat, giggling and tucking her hair behind her ears the entire time.
Disgusting.
Didn’t she know we were fake-married?
I squinted, trying to figure out if it looked like a date or not. She was the kind of attractive woman men like Cruz went for—brunette, petite, slender, confident, and dressed in a lazy yet expensive manner.
Ultimately, though, it was hard to figure out if a man had the intention of bedding a woman when all you could see was him asking her to pass the butter.
I also spotted Brendan McGinn. He was sitting by himself at a two-seater table, eating a burger they only offered on the kid’s menu. Brendan noticed both of us, too, and gave me a what-the-heck look when he saw Cruz with Cruise Director Lady Woman.
Marching over to Brendan, I took the empty seat, signaled his waiter, told him I’d have what Brendan was having, and struck up a conversation.
“Quite a husband you’ve got there.” Brendan snorted.
“He’s a doctor, you know,” I bragged.
I was pretty sure this would be my only chance to ever flaunt having a doctor as my husband.
Or any husband for that matter.
“Also your cousin.”
I waved my hand dismissively, unsure why I was entertaining Cruz’s madness.
“Cruz’s adopted. His mother was in the circus, and she did a lot of weird stuff with her body while pregnant. He came out with all sorts of problems. Haven’t you noticed his head is shaped a little like an eggplant?”
“Well, now that you’ve pointed that out…” Brendan trailed off, narrowing his eyes at Cruz.
My, that felt liberating.
I nodded.
“What else is wrong with him?” Brendan asked.
“I really shouldn’t say.”
“Go on. I can keep a secret.”
I was certain he couldn’t keep his cell phone on him at all times, let alone a secret, but that was the point, wasn’t it?
“He has…uhm, actually, there were a few articles about him back in the day.” I cleared my throat and dropped my voice ,“He has two penises.”
“He WHAT?”
I repeated the lie, something fluttering behind my chest. It was so much fun to get back at Cruz.
“Now I understand everything,” Brendan said. “It’s a sex thing.”
“What do you mean?” I asked darkly.
“You two are passionate. I can tell, even when you fight, that you have a great sex life.”
I sincerely hoped Brendan didn’t serve this country in the FBI or CIA, because his instincts were way off if he thought this was a kink.
“Yeah, too bad he is about to nail the pretty brunette cruise director from the lido deck before the night’s over,” I muttered bitterly.
Brendan nodded, probably deciding that he was going to take us for what we were and not ask too many questions.
We had a pleasant meal and an even more pleasant drink. When I peeked over my shoulder to see if Cruz was done with the woman, I saw he was only getting started.
A few more people, her colleagues, judging by their uniforms, had joined them, and now they were all having drinks.