Touché.
“And so, that’s my big, bad secret.”
A couple of drinks later, at one of the Ecstasy’s many bars, I peeled off my inhibitions and told Cruz the truth. As it was, he seemed to be the only person other than Bear who was on my team at the moment.
“I’m secretly a decent person. Or at least, I try to be. The reason I was late to the cruise on the day you picked me up was because I had to help Trixie, the new waitress. I just couldn’t leave her like that. And I guess your big secret is that you can be a jerk.”
“Not all the time.” Cruz took a swig of his beer. He looked extra hunky tonight. Maybe because I knew what was waiting under his clothes. All that potent muscle. “But I can’t say I’ll miss the Warrens or Dalton and his wife, who by the way, looked like a melted candlestick with a wig.”
“A bad wig.” I cackled. “I have a confession to make.”
“If you’re about to tell me you faked it with me yesterday, don’t bother. I’ll just fling myself off the deck right now.”
I laughed, hating that he was so darn irresistible.
“The good news is…I definitely didn’t fake it.”
“The bad news is that you’re lying?” He arched an eyebrow.
“No. But I was kind of drunk. I remember everything but…things were a bit hazy.”
The smile dropped from his face, and a blast of sorrow shot through me. Somewhere down the line, I’d started caring what Cruz thought, what he wanted from life.
I didn’t want to disappoint him, even if I knew I was not equipped to give him what he obviously deserved.
“Seriously?” he asked. “I haven’t seen you knock down more than a few.”
“At the blackjack table. When you weren’t looking.” I gave him a sheepish look.
He stroked his jaw, mulling this over. “Should I feel like a scumbag for taking advantage of you? Because I kind of do.”
“Are you flipping kidding me? I basically mauled you in front of your old pal. I just didn’t want to…you know, lie to you. Or omit the truth. Or whatever.”
“I’ll be sure to have you sober and present next time.”
There won’t be a next time.
“Yes, there will be.”
Clap.
I said that out loud?
“You did. And you said that out loud, too.”
Plucking my fruity cocktail from the sticky bar, I put it to my lips and sucked on the straw. “We promised each other no hanky-panky when we left the cruise.”
“Exactly. And technically, we’re still on a cruise.”
“A cruise full of our family members.”
“Fortunately, we both have our own rooms and are of consenting age, in case your family really has convinced you you’re not an adult.”
“It’s dangerous here.”
“Tell me you don’t want me,” he challenged, his face growing serious and intense all of a sudden.
“If our parents find out, that’s going to be the end of me. I—”
“You’re a grown-up, capable of making your own decisions. Tell me you don’t want me, Tennessee.”
“And don’t think I’m suddenly going to be okay with you putting your thing in me and getting me pregnant by accident…”
“You’re not listening. I asked you something very simple: tell me you don’t want me.”
“I can’t!” I flung my arms in the air, exasperated. “Christ, I can’t say that. Because it’s not true.”
“Then let me do this for you. Let me be at your service, help you get over the uneasiness of getting into bed with a man. We’re a perfect match. It’ll be seasonal, fleeting, and great. Stop letting others dictate your life. Take charge. You earned it.”
Afterwards, Cruz escorted me back to my room, but when we reached my door, he kept sauntering toward the end of the hallway, leading me with him across the burgundy and gold carpet.
I didn’t ask where we were going.
I knew.
And I was game. He was right. It was time I unlocked my sexuality, and what better way to do that than on a ship named the Ecstasy?
This time, when he undressed me, there were no jokes, no banter. He did so meticulously and slowly, keeping his gaze on mine the entire time, his fingers shaking a little.
He kissed my bare shoulders first, then my breasts. My open palms came next—he licked between my fingers, his hot tongue swirling in and out of them—and when he reached between my legs, he licked every inch of me there, sucking and biting.