Even though every inch of me wants to clutch the baby and shove my breast into his mouth again in the hopes he’ll feed a bit more, I reluctantly part with my bundle. She takes him in her arms and her expression softens with delight. “Oh my God, he’s the cutest.”
I feel a warm flush of motherly pride at that. “He is.”
“Look at those teensy horns! And the teeny weeny brow ridges!” Her voice turns into a coo. “You are just the most precious, aren’t you?”
The baby cries, weak and dispirited.
I hold my arms out, my breasts automatically starting to leak, and open my wrap to feed him. “He’s not as strong as he should be,” I tell Liz when she hands him back. “I’m so worried.”
“The cootie’ll fix that right up,” she assures me, patting the bow slung over her shoulder. “Did you guys decide on a name?”
I nod, pleased when the baby latches onto my breast and begins to feed hungrily. Every meal feels like a success. “We took the first parts of both of our names and came up with Rukhar.”
“Oh, I like it!”
“Me too.” It seems like a big, fierce name for such a tiny, scrawny baby, but he’ll grow into it.
“I wonder what mine will look like.” Liz pats her stomach dreamily.
“Bigger, I imagine,” I say, and try not to be envious of the thought. It’s not Rukhar’s fault he’s early and tiny. My body just couldn’t handle nourishing him for much longer. I feel like a bit of a failure at that.
But then Rukh comes to my side and touches my cheek, and it doesn’t matter. We’re going to get our baby a khui, and it will fix him.
Like it fixed me.
? ? ?
We travel for most of a day. Rukh pulls my sled and the other hunters keep pace with us, though I know they could go much faster. Liz walks beside me, chatting my ear off and holding the baby whenever I let her. I hand him off more often as the day goes on, because even just riding in the sled is exhausting, and ‘Auntie’ Liz is eager to get in her share of baby time. I doze fitfully, and my dreams are terrible ones full of worry and fear.
The slow thud and subsequent shake of the ground is what wakes me up. I sit up on my sled as another thud rocks the world, and realize we’ve stopped. It’s twilight, the suns fading into the purplish skies.
“Found ‘em,” Liz whispers.
In the distance, at the tree line, I see a few of the enormous heads of the sa-kohtsk. One grazes on the feathery tips of one of the pink trees. Another slowly rambles past, the thudding of its feet shaking the earth. They’re enormous, each as big as an airplane, and I worry all over again. I’ve seen them before, but I’ve forgotten how big they are. They’re grazers, but their sheer size and strength makes them dangerous.
Raahosh turns to the hunters, and his gaze flicks to Liz. “We’ll circle, look for the small one. If we can wound it, we can separate it from the herd. If not, we can try and run it down, corner it.” He nods at Rukh. “Are you ready?”
Rukh lets go of the sled pull and glances down at me. I want to protest that he doesn’t need to go, but he has to. This is for our baby.
Liz hands me Rukhar and I clutch him close. “You don’t want Rukh to stay with his mate?” Liz asks.
“Rukh is strong and fast. We need him,” Raahosh says. His gaze fixes on Liz. “You will stay with her.”
“You’re sidelining the vaginas?” Liz bellows. “The fuck, babe?”
“You cannot run, my mate.” He moves forward to her and pats her stomach, even though she tries to swat his hand away. “You are an excellent shot, but you do not need to race with the hunters to use your bow.” He kisses her brow. “Guard her.”
Liz grumbles, but doesn’t say anything else. I look over at Rukh and he touches my cheek, then joins the others. I love you, I think quietly. Stay safe.
It’s impossible not to think about the hunt that killed his mother and maimed his brother. Judging from the tense expressions on both Rukh and Raahosh, I’m not the only one thinking about it.
The men melt into the trees a few moments later, and then it’s just me and Liz sitting in the snow. Rukhar lets out a tiny wail and I automatically tuck him under my poncho-style tunic and offer him my breast.
“Well,” Liz says, and grabs the lead on my sled. “Let’s see if we can get a seat on the sidelines, I guess, and hope for a good show.”
I don’t care if the show is good. I just want to save my baby and have my mate come back to me in one piece.