Her body tenses up a bit, then she relaxes against me, allowing me full access to savor her for a few seconds before she shifts back and says something else that is music to my ears. “I missed you too.”
27
AVERY
It’s too good to be true. It has to be.
We’ve fallen into an easy routine without any effort. He brings me coffee on my free period, heads off to the field, then crashes at my place after the game. Only now, our routine will be disturbed because he’s leaving for another road trip next week. And I don’t like how much I missed him last time—before we started spending every night together. This time is bound to be way worse since we’ve been together every moment that didn’t involve my work or his time at the field.
“Summer vacay is coming up. Then you won’t have an excuse not to travel with me,” he suggests.
“Don’t they have rules about that or something? I don’t want to interfere with the game or Coach giving you a blow.”
He laughs. “I like your blows better.”
Okay. I opened the door and stepped right into that one. “We’re in my classroom, Carter.”
“Hey, you brought it up.”
“Touché.” I shake my head. “But really, you’re busy with the games, and I don’t want to be a distraction and take away from your team bonding. Plus, I usually work at the store during the summer. It’s the busy season for my parents.”
“Maybe just one road trip?”
“Coach won’t like that.” I know he’s been riding Carter about keeping focused, and I don’t want to be the one to disrupt him.
“Coach won’t be in my room after the game, but I really would like you to be.”
“Maybe,” I say just to move on from the topic.
“I haven’t heard much from E.J. lately. Everything good with him?” Carter asks.
“Yep. He’s definitely been in full E.J. mode.”
“That’s good.” I look to Carter, grateful that he cares enough to ask about one of my students. “What?”
“Nothing.” I focus back on my phone, pushing away the premature thought. It’s much too soon and ridiculously audacious. I wouldn’t dare admit to him that I wonder what kind of father he would be. He didn’t have a good example, that’s for certain, but I can’t see him being anything other than a great dad. At any rate, that’s not something that should be anywhere in my psyche.
“I need to get going.” He stands, placing the chair he’d been using back in its rightful spot before bending down to give me a kiss like it’s the most natural gesture in the world. “I’ll see you at home tonight.”
Home.
“Actually, I promised Tessa that I’d watch Finn tonight.”
“Oh, well I can swing by and hang with you and Finn after the game.”
“He’ll be asleep. Little kid, early bedtime.”
“Okay. I guess I’ll see you tomorrow, then.”
“Actually, I’ll be at the store this weekend. There’s a big county fair that’ll bring in extra customers.”
The look on his face confirms he’s seeing right through my excuses. “If you need a little space, let me know. But please don’t lie to me.”
“I figured you’d be busy getting ready for the road trip and all. You haven’t stayed at your house all week.” I try to play off the comment, but I wonder if he really wants to be at my place or is catering to me because he knows I’m not comfortable at his.
“Yet, this town has felt more like home in the past week than it ever did growing up.” He bends down, placing a tender kiss on my cheek before stepping back. “Call me if you have time.”
Even after he disappears, I watch the doorway. Why do I feel like I just took three steps back? I spooked myself, sure. But I would have freaked him out too if he knew how much I didn’t want to be away from him.
The rest of my day already feels off knowing he won’t be part of the routine. That isn’t necessarily a good thing or healthy mindset. No doubt he would hightail it out of here if he knew how much him calling my place home meant to me after I was imagining what type of father he would be. Oh, the places my mind can go so easily with him. Places that it shouldn’t because I’m not who he wants me to be. I can’t follow him around all summer with hopes of capturing a few minutes here and there.
I have my own life. If I make it all about him, it’ll be harder to get back on track when he leaves. And he will, he said it. Canaan Falls long term isn’t his plan, not with Cash here, and I can’t imagine living anywhere else. I’m right back where I started weeks ago: Nothing about Carter Barlowe and me make sense.