Cash moves in front of me, and even if I were capable of understanding his words right now, I don’t think I could hear them over the melee going on around us. Though my eyes are frozen on Carter’s face, I’m aware of Dundee telling Cash to leave the area. Other players pull at Carter, but he stands unmoving, staring at me with a look of horror. I wish I knew what he was thinking but I can’t even decide what I’m thinking other than I need to go. I knew I didn’t belong here. I knew the first game. And I knew today. I shouldn’t be here.
Spinning to flee, I pull open the door we’d just entered through. I hear Carter and Bodie shout my name, and almost at the same time, a grip captures my arm. Reflexively, I shrug away. Whipping my arm from the hand that’s on me, I frantically turn to find Bodie.
Relieved, I beg, “Please, let’s just go,” and he quickly agrees without question as we rush down the corridor, straight to his truck. Once he’s fired it up and we’re halfway home, the awkward silence is finally interrupted. “Are you okay?”
“Yes,” I lie, lacing my fingers after swiping at my cheek.
“What the hell happened back there?” Bodie asks.
And I give him an honest answer this time. “I have no idea.”
From Carter to Cash, I can’t wrap my mind around what happened because I can’t get past Carter’s anger being directed at me. And I can’t get past the fact that he’d really think I’d form some kind of alliance with Cash after what he’s shared with me, the truth that he’s never shared with anyone.
34
CARTER
Me. She was scared of me. I know it. I’ve lived it. I recognized the fear in her eyes when she flinched away from me, afraid I was going to hit her. I’ve seen the exact same thing from my mom. And I never fathomed I’d see it in anyone’s eyes who stood opposite me. But I saw it in Avery.
I click my phone, dialing her number again. It goes straight to voice mail. Fuck. I don’t know what to think. I don’t know if Cash had her play me. If she was a part of his sick joke. Or if she was simply caught in his vicious web. But one thing I know for sure: Her fear was real.
Dundee drops into the metal chair in front of me, leaning back as he folds his hands over his chest. A judging stare leveled on me. “Well, that went well.”
I know he’s trying to remain calm, and I also know him well enough to see he’s about to boil over. And I deserve it.
“One job. You had one damn job, Lowe. Hold it together until I could handle the issue. Instead, you caused a bench-clearing fight. Congratulations.”
My head drops, my eyes on my hands. “I tried.” And I had. But I lost my shit, and Cash won. No matter what he was after. He won because there was damage done.
“How’s the hand?” He motions to my bloody knuckles that the team doctor has already examined. “You’re lucky it’s not broken.”
I don’t feel lucky, but he’s right. I could’ve broken my hand, injured my arm, ended my career … all in a split second. But it’s not what’s pulling at my mind. My fingers rub across my sore knuckles as I squeeze tighter, the pain not enough to ease the torment in my mind. “She thought I was going to hit her.”
“Were you?” he asks flatly.
My eyes snap to his. “Fuck no!” I fall back against the chair. “I’d never lay a hand on her. I was furious, but I’d never lay a hand on her. I needed her away from him. Even if she’s part of his game, I need her away from him.”
“Just go home, Carter. I’m trying to get your ass out of a jam here, but they don’t know why you reacted like that, and I can’t explain it.”
“Don’t tell them.”
“I didn’t plan on it. But there will be consequences. Between the dirty pitch that nearly took Mac’s head off and the bench clearing, I’m guessing a suspension will be the least you’re facing.”
“Okay.” I expected as much.
“Get your ass out of here.” Dundee stands, shoving the chair back with a frustrated kick.
“Coach.” I take a second before looking to him. “I’m sorry.”
“Me too. I should’ve let you deck the bastard.” Dundee doesn’t like Cash any more than I do. It’s one of the reasons we clicked right away and the reason I’d shared the truth with him. I’d needed him to understand what this team and all the baggage that comes with it means to me. Not that it had done any good.