“I’ve never seen any of those except in photographs. Not even the Korean ones. There are not so many bears or tigers left in the wild now.”
“I know. And I heard they have almost nothing to feed the animals at the zoo since the war. Poor things—not knowing anything that’s going on, waiting in their cages, wondering if anyone will come help,” she said, turning to face him. “Why won’t anyone help them?”
“Someone will, Jade. The zookeepers . . . they’ll find some food for the animals. You just focus on taking care of yourself and Aunt Dani.” HanChol nudged her waist gently, recognizing the curve under the muslin blouse. As soon as they were facing each other, they could no longer pretend at indifference. He wrapped her in his arms and squeezed the bony frame as hard as he could. A familiar happiness coursed through them, and suddenly the world seemed less terrifying.
“If I die, will you please remember me?” Jade asked, her cheek pressed against his chest.
“You’re not going to die. I’ll make sure you’re safe. Come on, let’s go home.”
Those last three words—among the sweetest words one can hear from a lover. There were no lights in the house when they arrived, hand in hand. Without going to see Dani, Jade led HanChol to her room. She was surprised by their urgency, how much they wanted to feel each other after all the years of absence. But when they were fully naked, HanChol stopped touching her just so he could gaze down at her whole body. She didn’t feel shy because she knew he would only see her as beautiful, even now when her jutting ribs and pelvis held dark blue moon shadows in their hollows. He softly touched the sharp bones above her breasts, before lacing his hands with hers and kissing her in the mouth.
It was the deepest part of the night when they were finished and lying in each other’s arms.
“I’ve missed you so much,” she said then.
“I’ve missed you too.” He gave her another kiss.
“So what now? Where do we go from here?”
“What do you mean?” HanChol asked, furrowing his eyebrows.
“I make you happy and you make me happy. When life is so short, why do we keep wasting time like this?”
“Ah, Jade.” HanChol sighed, and Jade felt his arm slacken around her a bit. “I’m getting married in two weeks,” he said.
Jade’s heart started to hammer uncontrollably. “What do you mean? To whom?”
“Miss SeoHee.”
“She’s basically a child! And you’re telling me this, when we’re still lying naked together in my bed?”
“She’s twenty-three, which is well past the age when most girls like her get married. And I’m sorry if I’ve offended you—” he said. Jade was pressing herself up and away from him. “But I didn’t plan on seeing you today or coming to your house, did I? It was you who showed up unannounced. And yes, I was attracted to you and acted on it. Was that wrong of me? Perhaps to SeoHee, although in the grand scheme of things, I don’t think it matters. But I didn’t lie to you. If you’d asked me earlier I would have answered the same way, we wouldn’t have slept together, and that would have been the end.”
“The end? The end!” Jade was sitting up, her black hair lapping around her gaunt shoulders. The ease with which he pronounced those words shredded her insides.
“Do you even care for this girl? You like her young and pretty face? Or is it about her money? You prefer her to me because of her rich father . . .” She balled up a bit of the comforter and squeezed so that the veins popped on top of her withered hands.
“Don’t. Please don’t,” HanChol said quietly.
“I loved and ached for you every single day, all these years. You know this is true because you feel it, this constant warmth and light inside your heart, everywhere you go. But I will try my best to stop loving you now. One day you’re going to realize that the sun isn’t shining inside you anymore and you’ll know I no longer think of you.” She got up and pulled on her threadbare clothes. Shrugging into her blouse, she turned around.
“When I come back, you won’t be in my room anymore. And just one more thing—for every bit of love you’ve given me, you’ve also caused me an equal amount of suffering. So I have nothing left, in all senses of that word. Please see yourself out,” she said, then stepped out of her room.
Jade walked quickly to the garden and sat facing the weeds for a while. When she came back, her cot was empty but still dented in the shape of HanChol’s body. She lay down fully clothed and quickly fell asleep, as though her body knew that it was the only thing that could help her.