I feel sad and guilty about this, on account of JungHo.
“WHY DO YOU SIT THERE all day watching the sea, Auntie? Don’t you have anyone to look after?”
It was Jindo daek in her diving clothes. Because she was from Jindo on the mainland, everyone called her Jindo daek or CholSoo’s mom, after her baby.
“Where’s CholSoo, Jindo daek?” I asked her.
“I left him on a rock, over there in the cove.” She looked behind her shoulder.
“What? Leave a month-old baby on a rock by the sea?” I jumped up.
“Auntie, that’s what we seawomen do. If I don’t keep him nearby, how can I give him my breast when he’s hungry?” She rolled her eyes.
“I’m always on the beach anyway, why don’t you just let me watch him?”
“That’s why I came over here, isn’t it?” She smiled, already leading the way to the cove. CholSoo was mewling like a kitten inside a bowl-shaped black rock, about a yard up from the ground. His mother quickly opened her chemise and nursed him, and I noticed that there was a large bruise on her shoulder. I asked her about it.
“Oh, this is nothing. The waves were so strong,” she said.
THE DAYS BECAME LONGER and CholSoo turned from bright red to light beige. He was such a good-natured little baby. I sat alone in the cove with CholSoo, shielded from the sea spray, the wind, and the sun. The other women came back periodically to empty their bags of abalones and eat a bite of food before heading back out. They were divided by rank and could dive only in their respective areas. CholSoo’s mom only went out to the shallow waters by the shore, and when she came back her bag was usually a lot lighter than the others’。
ONE NIGHT I FOUND IT hard to sleep. It was the sound of the waves crashing. As soon as the sky began to lighten, I went for a walk. The sun was just below the sea and the world was awash in orange and pink.
My feet led me to the cliff, and standing there amid the fluttering new grass was a pair of chestnut-colored wild horses. They stared at me for a long time with such calm eyes.
“COME NOW, if you really want to dive, I’ll show you,” Jindo daek said to me, throwing me a pair of diving pants and a white linen chemise.
“What about CholSoo?” I asked.
“He’ll be fine. I just fed him and we won’t be out long.”
I quickly changed into the diver’s outfit and put on the circular goggle over my head. She didn’t give me a bag, a knife, and a buoy, because I wouldn’t even try to dive deep or catch an abalone for months at least.
The water was warmer than I thought. All I learned that day was how to float in the water without sinking. For hours I bobbed in the shallow, turquoise water, the waves carrying me back and forth, rocking me the way I rock CholSoo to sleep.
I FINALLY GAINED SOME RESPECT within the hamlet after I bought a black-and-white television from the mayor of the neighboring town. No one had ever owned a TV in this village, and almost every evening people came over to my house to watch the news—never mind that they barely understood what was being said. Every so often, the screen turned to static and I had to get up and hammer the side of the TV to get it working again. They were even delighted by that. The women started calling me Seoul halmang—Seoul granny.
AFTER MONTHS OF BOBBING and doggy-paddling, I was finally allowed to hold my breath and sink down to the sea floor. It was only a little deeper than my height but panic gripped me and I came back to the surface, coughing and gasping. Jindo daek gave me her arm so I could hold on to it and regain my breath. I couldn’t help but notice that her arm was covered in bruises. Every day her bruises became bigger.
“It’s nothing,” she said before I could question her.
“You could leave him and come live with me,” I offered.
“Auntie, he would break down your entire house and drag me out by my hair,” she said.
After some practice, I began collecting sea urchins and oysters near the shore. Instead of going to the cove to relax with the other women, I stayed in the sea and just floated. In the water, I felt the weight of the people I used to be falling down to the seafloor. I no longer felt like the same person who had had all those heartaches and regrets.
ONE NIGHT, the stiff-faced announcer reported that the last tiger to be captured in the wild had died in the ChangGyeong Palace Zoo. It had been discovered as an orphaned cub right after the end of the Korean War. Most scientists believe that the Siberian tiger is now officially extinct in the Korean peninsula. But one scientist who was interviewed said they may still exist in the Demilitarized Zone or the deepest mountains in the northeastern border of North Korea.