*
ONE AFTERNOON, there was a quiet knock on their gates and Jade went out, expecting to see JungHo’s familiar face. Instead, she was greeted by a handsome gentleman who asked her politely whether her aunt was home. Jade went back inside to announce the visitor, and Dani put on her coat and went outside.
“You didn’t reply to my letter,” SungSoo said to her, without any superfluous greetings. He was wearing a fashionable hat with a medium brim and a new coat of the finest English wool. A fresh scent of cologne and good health emanated from his robust, well-fed body, but his face wore a sorrowful expression.
“I hope you know how sorry I am. I should never have left you here and gone to Japan . . .” he continued, feet firmly planted on the ground, as if demonstrating his steadfastness. Above his head, bits of snow were starting to float around like dandelion fluff. They were so weightless that their descent seemed to take forever.
“You do look very sorry judging by your expression,” she replied. “But you know what gives you away? Your voice. It doesn’t sound sorry at all.”
She turned around and was about to walk away when he grabbed hold of her hand. He pulled her firmly, spinning her round to him and placing his other hand behind the small of her back. Then he kissed her.
At the moment right before he kissed her, when she realized what was going to happen, she thought that she would pull away, disgusted. But when his lips met hers, she wanted to keep kissing him. The fact that he craved her made her deliriously happy. When they let go of each other she sighed. “No, I don’t hate you.”
SungSoo looked with a sincere expression into her eyes, waiting for her to absolve him. He was aware that at that moment Dani thought him as handsome and attractive as when they first met. He was intoxicated by that distinct and palmy pleasure, the consciousness of one’s own seductive power, which in so many people’s lives is the closest thing to love that they experience. He reached for her hand, and she did not pull away.
“But it’s too late for forgiveness. So leave me in peace.” Her voice shook when she said those last words, and they both sensed how she didn’t really mean them, and in fact meant just the opposite.
He didn’t know what to do. He could just as well have left her then and there and not pursued her further, not because of her wishes or because he was a proud man, but because he was fundamentally unable to truly lose himself for another person. Not only was it distasteful to him intellectually, his soul was also incapable of it. But at that moment, he noticed how Dani was shivering and was moved by the sight of her fragility. He leaned in and enveloped her in his arms. As soon as he did so, a tear loosened from Dani’s eyes and she melted into his embrace.
When they came apart, she wordlessly led him through the gates. They both suppressed the urge to run to her room, walking calmly as if they weren’t burning with the need to tear off the layers of wool and wrap their legs around each other’s waists. Once inside, they made love not knowing or caring about anything else except how their bodies felt together.
It was close to midnight when they were finished and lying side by side in the candlelight. Dani thought to herself, This is the happiest time of my entire life. There could be nothing that would follow that would be better than this evening spent with him alone, away from the rest of the world. Though it would feel much longer in her memory, it was no more than a few hours in reality. Like all such moments, it ended before she was ready—with a knock on her door.
“There is a gentleman at the front gates, asking for you,” Hesoon whispered in her ear. “I tried to tell him that you were not home, but then he said he would wait for you, and then I didn’t know what to do.”
“Well, who is it?” Dani bristled, stepping out into the hallway. “It’s not the police? Or someone that the judge may have sent?”
“I don’t think so. He said he goes by Lee—and didn’t tell me his given name, but said you’ll know who he is.”
“Oh!” Dani drew a sharp breath. “I do know who that is. I wonder why he’s here? At any rate, I can’t have him waiting outside in this cold for hours, thinking I’ll be on my way home. I’ll have to receive him. Show him into the sitting room.”
Dani went back inside her room and began putting on her clothes. She asked SungSoo to stay quiet in the room while she dealt with a visitor in the sitting room. At this, SungSoo let his irritation show: he wasn’t going to hide from this mysterious stranger, who Dani insisted was not her lover and yet was visiting her in the dead of the night. No, he would rather leave than hide in the room like a thief.