Another reference I don’t miss. He remembers my favorite song in the whole wide world. Dom doesn’t. In fact, Dom and I never discuss music.
“Don’t be a hypocrite. It wasn’t me who said we shouldn’t tell him about what happened six years ago.” I hate myself for continuously making mistakes when it comes to this man. My self-control is in the toilet where he is concerned.
Joe chuckles darkly. “Whatever you say, Lynne.”
“Don’t Lynne me. What we did to Dom right now was horrible.”
“Drop the guilt-fest.” Joe shoves his feet into his sneakers. He is going to see Presley. There’s nothing I can do to stop him. “No one’s buying it. And even if I did—I don’t feel guilty about kissing you.”
“Why are you so angry?” I ask. He’s not always angry. Most of the time, he is resigned to our fate.
“Because,” he says, calm, collected, and bored. “We never broke up. Technically, Ever, you’re still my girlfriend.”
It’s like a punch in the face, and as such, I stagger back. “You can’t be for real right now.”
“I can, and I fucking am. No breakup talk—no breakup.” He shoves his shoelaces into his sneakers, as opposed to tying them.
“How we broke up was terrible, but we did break up. I’m sorry I hurt you.”
“You hurt yourself too. You chose mainstream.”
His words hit me. I remember them from all those years ago.
Mainstream people aren’t revolutionary. Nothing good ever comes out of them. Average equals comfort.
But I need comfort. I need safe.
“You stopped being a choice the day I kissed your brother,” I rasp. “We can’t do this to him, and you know that.”
“God, you’re like a broken record. Your morals bore me.” He lets out a short breath. I see his frustration. All the things he’s given up over the years for Dominic. The attention. The sleepless nights. The worrying. Always low on the totem pole. Even now, Dom is the golden child. The one who went to college, who got a good job, who is getting married. “And the worst part is, I am the only aspect in your life where you do the good thing, even if it’s not the right thing. Everything else about your relationships, including Dom, is fucked up because you always take the easy way out.”
He is right. He is right, and it’s time I own up to all my mistakes. Especially the one I left in California.
Joe’s shoulder brushes mine. He stalks out of the room. And then I hear the words that undo me. They pull at me like a frayed old sweater. Until I’m nothing but a long string of pain.
“I loved you, Ever Lawson. But I want you to know, you’re the worst thing that’s ever fucking happened to me.”
EIGHTEEN
I drive us back to Salem, not allowing Dom to get behind the wheel. Now we’re both leaning on the car, the silence between us so palpable I can taste it on my tongue. Since I don’t trust him with a vehicle right now—or a coffee machine, for that matter—I tell him I’ll take his car to my apartment to pick up Loki, and then I’ll bring it back. Dom doesn’t argue. Like with everything else, he is understanding and cooperative. Perfect. He kisses my neck, pressing me against his sports car, his hands on my waist.
“Did you have a good time at Mom’s birthday?” he murmurs into my neck.
“Of course.” My mind involuntarily drifts to Joe. I think about his words. About that kiss. It still lingers on my lips, an unspoken secret.
I need to tell Dom. I can’t plan a wedding with this man without coming clean about everything.
I need to tell him that this is too soon, too much. That we don’t have to tell people, but the engagement needs to be on hold. Otherwise, we’re just going to hurt more people. And ourselves.
When I try to pull away, Dom hugs me tighter and says, “Put Loki in his carrier, grab a few clothes, and hurry up. I need to be inside you.”
The proof of his desire for me is nestled between my legs, through our clothes. It twitches against my groin, demanding to be taken care of.
“We need to talk first,” I say.
“About what?” He pulls away, scanning me. “You’re not getting cold feet, are you?”
I chuckle, feeling extra dead inside. “We just need to smooth some things over.”
I can tell he is unhappy about this, but he nods. “All right. I’ll wait.”
“I might take a second. I need to get some tampons.”
Actually, I don’t. I don’t have my period. But there is no way I can have sex with Dom, even on the off chance that he’s okay with what happened with Joe.