Joe scratches his jaw, looking away. “He’s my brother, Ever. What was I supposed to do? Rat him out?” His jaw hardens. “I tried to indicate to you in numerous ways that it wasn’t the end of the world if we kissed.”
“Two wrongs don’t make a right!” I snap.
“In my book, if you’re stupid enough to cheat on two perfectly good women, you’re not good enough for either of them.”
“Why didn’t you talk sense into him?”
“You think I haven’t tried!” Joe thunders, flinging his arms in the air, exasperated. “I did my best drilling logic into that thick skull of his. Hundreds of times. You think I liked seeing this mess unfolding? Especially when you were a part of it?”
“Yes,” I hear myself saying, even though I’m not sure I think that at all. “I think you drew some sort of nasty satisfaction from knowing my relationship was screwed. Doomed. That I’m being made a fool—”
“You don’t know me.” His voice is razor sharp as it cuts into my words. “I would never sign up for this shit. You know why?”
I flinch in response, noticing that he is wearing an ugly, bitter smile. One of a man marred by pain. “Because I know what it feels like to have your heart broken.”
And it’s horrible. How, despite how angry and scared I am, I still want to collapse to my knees and ask him for . . . what? His love? His acceptance? His forgiveness? What do I want from this man?
“Why did Dom ask me to marry him?” I change the subject. “Why did he ask me to move in when he has a steady girlfriend? Wh—”
“Sarah and Dom haven’t been steady this past year,” Joe interrupts me again. “They broke up a ton of times. She went on a Doctors without Borders mission for a while, came back, almost took a job in Portland . . . they’ve been on and off for a while. That’s why my parents welcomed you with open arms. They were sure that things with Sarah were done.”
“When was the last time he brought her over?” I ask.
Joe runs a hand over his hair. “I don’t know, Easter?”
Dom is so lucky he is in the operating room right now, because I am liable to punch him no matter his physical state right now.
“He said he hadn’t brought a girl over for Christmas since Emily,” I point out pettily. How is this important right now? I don’t know. Maybe I’m trying to villainize Dom now that his existence in my life is in question. So far, it isn’t working.
Joe looks at me like I’m crazy. “Who is Emily?”
I frown. “Emily. His ex-girlfriend.”
“He never dated an Emily.”
My whole body is shaking. I feel like I’m about to burst. Emily was a lie. He gaslighted me. The manipulative son of a . . .
“So he and Sarah weren’t serious.” I try to keep my voice calm. “But he still asked me to marry him when he has another girlfriend.”
“He was . . . is,” Joe corrects; “look, Dom is a hard person to read. I don’t know what he is thinking. Half the time I don’t think he knows what he is thinking.”
“Why didn’t he break up with her right away?” I demand, like Joe is the source of my pain right now, and not Dom. Like he is to blame for all this mess.
He gives me a bone-tired look, rubbing his knuckles over his jaw. “You want the truth?”
“Please.”
“Because Dom has been used to getting away with whatever the fuck he’s done from a young age, and he thought he could have it both ways until the very last minute. You weren’t a sure thing until you had his ring on your finger, and he wanted to keep his options open. I think a part of him will always love Sarah. She had detonated his life when she moved to Yemen. He just needed . . .”
“Someone without a career and a busy schedule and a huge life. Someone he could mold into the woman he needs,” I finish for him, bitterness exploding in my mouth. Because that’s exactly who I’ve been to Dom. From the get-go, I was this detached girl he’d met in weird circumstances. No family, no friends, no direction. I was not in danger of fleeing. Of doing something big and not including him.
He took you to a pottery class, I internally taunt myself. Because he knew he was going to mold and shape you into who he wanted you to be.
There is not enough air in the room. In this town. In the universe.
“As soon as he bent the knee in Mom and Dad’s living room, I knew he’d made a decision.” Joe’s Adam’s apple bobs with a swallow. He looks so shattered right now, and I don’t have it in me to keep fighting with him. Actually, he is right. He is not to blame. So what if he knew? I wouldn’t rat Renn out, no matter what he’s done.