He closes his eyes, shaking his head. “Yes. No. Maybe. I was very upset. I might’ve looked at you differently, but not because I thought you were guilty, only because I didn’t know what to do with you and your brother, how to comfort you. I didn’t realize at the time that you might notice. I didn’t notice the change myself. I’m sorry.”
“I should be the one apologizing, Dad. And I am. You just followed your heart. I mean, you weren’t wrong. I caused it. All because of a stupid boy.”
Dad takes a sip of his tea. “Was he, though?”
“Was he what?” I ask, confused.
“Stupid. Because when your mom talked to me about it, I remember her saying you were head over heels in love with him. That he was smart and artistic and that he made you laugh. That doesn’t sound very stupid to me.”
I swallow. “No,” I say, finally. “He wasn’t stupid at all. He was great.” The best, really. “I met him in Salem afterward. Not intentionally, of course. A kismet of sorts.”
My dad nods slowly, holding my gaze. “Seph, I assume.”
“How did you know?” My eyes fill with tears. Just thinking about the Graves family makes me want to curl into a ball and cry. I’m also surprised he didn’t say it was Dom. He was the one I was supposed to marry, after all.
Dad dips the tea bag into his mug in a soothing motion. “I saw the way you two were looking at each other when you talked at the church. Under that tree, when you thought no one could see you. The way you were the only thing that mattered to him, and he was the only person on earth to you. There was something very protective about the way he treated you. He reminded me of myself when your mother died. All I wanted to do was shield you and Renn from the world.”
I’m caught red handed. Busted. But I feel oddly relieved to be able to talk about it with someone.
“Well, obviously, I can’t keep in touch with Joe. That would be too messy.”
“I think that’s the issue, Everlynne. What you don’t understand—what your generation doesn’t understand, I think—is that things are naturally messy. They’ve always been messy. Perfect doesn’t exist. Embarrassment and shame are a package deal. They’re a part of life. You cannot remove these compartments from your existence. You have to meet your challenges head-on. When your mother died, she took a part of me with her to that grave. But losing you on top of that? Not being able to hug you, to talk to you, to cry on your shoulder and let you cry on mine? That made things unbearable. Some days, I wondered why I’d even gotten out of bed. But then I heard your brother snoring down the hallway and remembered. There’s always someone to fight for.”
I think about Dom’s infidelities. Joe’s harsh words before he kissed me the day Dom and I got engaged. I close my eyes. “It’s hard to forgive people. Including yourself.”
“I’ll tell you what your mother always told me. It’s a good lesson. ‘Be thankful to those who helped you when you were down, and be thankful to those who didn’t. The former are worth keeping, and the latter helped you realize it.’”
I break into tears for the millionth time this week, burying my face in my hands. Dad keeps talking.
“No. Shush. Don’t feel bad. Even if you thought we were angry, you should’ve stayed. You should’ve fought for this family. Renn and I have been working on trying to get back to what we were for six years now, and we could’ve used the extra pair of hands.”
I put my teacup aside and fling myself on him, crying into his chest. He wraps his arms around me tentatively. Frozen at first, and then, when he feels my body shaking against his, tighter. He drops his tea on the floor in the process. The cup breaks at our feet. He grabs the back of my head.
“Jesus, Ever. We thought we’d lost you forever.”
“I thought I’d lost you forever,” I say between sobs and hiccups. “I thought you hated me.”
“I never hated you.” Finally, his voice breaks. Finally, I can hear the emotion in it. “I only hated the situation, and wished your mother was alive, so she could tell me what to do to get you back.”
It is so clear to me now that this was what I needed all this time. A hug from my dad. A confirmation that he still loves me despite everything. Salem was my cloak. I’d hidden from the world, because I thought it didn’t want me.
He pulls away from me, clutching my arms. “Hey. I forgot to mention the best part.”