I want to take back a horrible comment I made, he said.
Don’t worry. I was horrible as well. What I said about those women degrading themselves for money, that was a stupid thing to say. I don’t even think that, really. It doesn’t matter, we were both annoyed.
Looking down at his fingernails he said: It’s amazing how much you do annoy me.
She laughed. It’s not amazing, she said. I have that effect on lots of people.
I’ll tell you what it is, you do act very stuck-up at times. But I know other people who can be like that as well, and I wouldn’t let it get to me the way it does with you. To be really honest, I actually think it’s more the fact that I like you. And then when you act badly it drives me up the wall.
She nodded, silent. For a minute, two minutes, three, they sat on the bed without speaking. Finally he touched her knee in a friendly way and said he was going to have a shower. After he had left the room she sat there unmoving. In the bathroom he switched the shower on and stood looking in the mirror while the water warmed. Their conversation seemed to have had some effect on them both, but it was impossible to decipher the nature of the effect, its meaning, how it felt to them at that moment, whether it was something shared between them or something about which they felt
differently. Perhaps they didn’t know themselves, and these were questions without fixed answers, and the work of making meaning was still going on.
/
That evening Alice had dinner with a group of booksellers and journalists in the city, while Felix ate on his own in the apartment. Afterwards they met for a drink and walked over to the Colosseum together. In the darkness it looked skeletal and desiccated, like the dried remains of an ancient insect. You really do see some pretty good stuff here, Felix said. Alice smiled, and he glanced over at her. What? he said. You’re laughing at me. She shook her head and answered: I’m just happy you came with me, that’s all.
Back in the apartment, they wished one another goodnight and Alice went to bed. Felix sat in the kitchen looking at his phone while she lay in the next room with her eyes open, staring at nothing. After midnight, he knocked on her bedroom door.
Yes? she said.
He looked inside, holding his phone in his hand. Are you sleeping? he said. She told him no. Can I show you a video? he asked. She sat up and said yes. He came inside, closed the door and sat down on the bed beside her, where she shifted over to make room. He was still dressed, in a T-shirt and sweatpants. The video showed a raccoon sitting up in a humanoid posture, legs splayed, a bib tied around its neck and a bowl of black cherries in its lap. The raccoon reached into the bowl with its tiny clawed hand, grabbed a cherry and began eating it, all in a very anthropomorphic fashion, nodding its head in gourmet appreciation of the cherry. The caption on the video was ‘raccoon enjoy to eating fruits’。 It was a minute and a half long and all the raccoon did was eat and nod. Alice laughed and said: Incredible. Felix said he thought she’d like it. Then he
locked his phone screen and leaned back against her headboard contemplatively. She lay on her side, facing him, the quilt pulled up to her waist.
Were you sleeping? he asked again.
No.
I didn’t interrupt anything, I hope.
What do you mean? she asked. Interrupt what?
I don’t know. Whatever girls get up to when they’re lying in bed at night.
She looked up at him, intrigued. Ah, she said. Well, I wasn’t touching myself, if that’s what you’re implying.
I suppose you don’t do that, do you not?
Of course I do, but I wasn’t just now.
He settled himself down with his head on the pillow, lying on his back and looking up at the ceiling. She had her arm tucked under her head, watching him.
And what do you be thinking about when you do it? he said.
Different things.
Your own little fantasies and things like that.
Indeed, she said.
And who would be starring in these fantasies?
Well, me, of course.
He gave what seemed a very genuine laugh at that. Of course, he said. I would hope so.
But who else? Famous actors or celebrities or what.
Not really.
People you know, then.
More often, she said.
He turned to face her where she lay next to him.
And what about me? he said.
She bit on her lower lip for a moment, and then said: I think about you sometimes.
He put his hand out and touched her nightdress, letting his fingers graze her waist. And what do you think about me doing to you? he asked.
She laughed, and it was impossible in the darkness to tell whether she was embarrassed.