I see.
Yeah, he said. And what with the whole trip to Italy, I thought, you know. Maybe best to take it a bit more casually after that.
Right.
He rocked back a little on his heels. Alright so, he said. I’ll go, then, will I?
If you like.
For a few moments he didn’t move, but stayed looking around the room vaguely. You don’t care anyway, do you not? he said.
Excuse me?
He took a deep breath in through his nose and repeated slowly: You don’t care anyway, or do you?
Care about what?
I mean, if I go or I don’t go. If you hear from me or not. You don’t care either way.
I should think it’s obvious I do care, she said. You’re the one saying you don’t.
But you’re not acting like you do.
With a kind of amazed smile, she replied: What would you like me to do, fall on my knees and beg you not to leave?
He laughed to himself. Good question, he said. I don’t know, maybe I do want that.
Well, you’re not going to get it.
I can see I’m not.
They looked at one another. She frowned at him, and he laughed again, shook his head and turned his face away.
Fuck me, he said. I don’t know. Why do I always feel like you’re the boss and I just have to do what you tell me?
I have no idea why you feel that way. I don’t think I ever tell you what to do.
She was still looking at him but he would not return her gaze, looking off in the direction of the skirting board.
Finally she said: Since you’re here, would you like a drink?
Gazing around the room, he gave a kind of shrug. Yeah, alright, why not, he said.
I have a bottle of wine out there, shall I get some glasses?
He frowned to himself, and then said: Okay, yeah. He cleared his throat and added: Thanks.
She went out to the kitchen and he took off his jacket, hung it over the back of an armchair and sat down on the sofa. He took his phone from his pocket and looked at the screen, which displayed a missed call from Damian. He opened the notification with a swipe and then typed a message.
Felix: Hey sorry im not at home tonight . Might give u a buzz tomorrow Within seconds a reply arrived.
Damian: It’s been nearly 3 weeks. Where are you?
Felix screwed his features up in a frown and began to type his response, deleting and retyping several words as he went along.
Felix: I was away the week before last and this week been at work as I said, im off tomorrow so I will give u a ring then
He sent the message, locked his phone and sat staring into the fire. Alice came back into the room carrying two empty glasses and a bottle of red wine. He watched her while she opened the bottle and filled both the glasses.
Are we going to have one of our deep life conversations now? he said.
She handed him a glass and sat down on the other end of the sofa. Hm, she said. I think I’m still getting my bearings. I’m not sure I feel ready for a deep conversation.
He nodded and looked down into his drink. Fair enough, he said. What do you want to do, watch a film or something?
We can if you like.
She suggested he could look through her Netflix account, and after keying in her password she handed him the laptop. He opened a web browser while she sipped her drink and watched the fire. With two fingers he scrolled aimlessly through a series of thumbnails, glancing up at her now and then as if distracted. Finally he said: Here, I don’t know what kind of films you like, you pick something. As long as it doesn’t have subtitles, I’ll watch it. He handed her the laptop and she took it from him without
speaking. He closed his eyes and let his head tip back against the upper part of the sofa.
Christ I’m tired, he said. If I drink that now I probably shouldn’t drive. She went on scrolling and said: You can stay the night here if you like. He said nothing. The screen displayed a list of category titles like ‘Critically Acclaimed Emotional Movies’， ‘Dark Suspenseful Movies’， ‘Dramas Adapted from Books’。 A dead branch cracked in the fireplace and sent out a shower of sparks, hissing. Alice looked around at Felix, who was sitting very still with his eyes closed. She watched him for a few seconds, and then closed her laptop. He didn’t stir. For some time she sat cross-legged on the couch, watching the play of flames in the grate, finishing her glass of wine, and then she left the room, turning out the ceiling light.
Two and a half hours later, seated in the same position, Felix woke up. The room was dark except for the remains of the fire. Running water was audible from somewhere inside the house. He sat up straight, wiped his mouth and took his phone out of his pocket. It was almost eleven at night, and he had received a single new message.