His eyes moved over the street ahead of them. Seconds went by in silence while they walked, cars passing beside them on the road. Finally he said: You know, when I asked you out in February, you told me you just wanted to be friends. You never – and I’m not trying to be accusatory, I’m just giving you my perspective – you never showed any interest in me at all until I told you I was seeing someone else. Feel free to correct me if I’m wrong on that.
Eileen’s head was bent forward, showing the long line of her neck over the collar of her jacket, her eyes on the pavement. She said nothing.
He went on: And when you did find out I was seeing someone, you decided you wanted to flirt with me and call me on the phone at night, okay, and then you want to come over when I’m in bed and we mess around or whatever, that’s fine, I don’t mind. As far as I can see, I’ve been very clear with you, there is someone else, but it’s not exclusive, so if you want to sleep over in my apartment there’s no problem. I’m not pressuring you to make any decisions about where we stand with each other, I’m happy to just spend time together and see how things go. From everything you said, I assumed that’s what you wanted. And it’s been really nice, for me at least. I completely understand why it’s awkward for you to hear our friends talking about someone else I’m seeing, but it’s not like you didn’t know she existed.
While he spoke Eileen lifted her hand to her face, pushing her hair back roughly off her forehead, tension visible in her shoulders, in her neck, in the sharp almost jerking movements of her fingers. Jesus, she repeated. How Christian of you.
What does that mean? he asked.
With a laugh that sounded almost frightened she said: I can’t believe I’ve been such a fool.
They had stopped walking, outside the entrance to a block of flats, beneath a streetlight.
He was looking at her with concern. No, he said. You haven’t been a fool. And I’m sorry I’ve upset you. It’s the last thing I wanted to do, believe me. I haven’t even seen Caroline this week. If I gave you the impression that I’d broken things off with her after last weekend, I’m really sorry.
She was covering her face, her hands scrubbing at her eyes, and her voice when she spoke was muffled and indistinct. Oh God, she was murmuring. I just thought— No, I don’t even know what I thought.
Eileen, what do you want? Because if you seriously want us to be together, I can end things with Caroline any time. I’d be happy to, more than happy. But if you don’t want that, and we’re just playing around and having fun, then, you know. I can’t be single for the rest of my life because it suits you better. I have to, at some point, I have to get over that. Do you see what I’m saying? I’m just trying to figure out what you want.
Closing her eyes, she said nothing for several seconds. Then she said in a low even voice: I want to go home.
Right, he said. You mean now?
She was nodding her head, her eyes shut.
The fastest thing is probably just to keep walking, he said. Is that okay? I’ll see you to your door.
She answered yes. In silence they made their way to Thomas Street and turned left, walking over toward St Catherine’s. At the traffic lights a few cars were idling, and a taxi with its light turned on. Without speaking they walked down Bridgefoot Street and crossed the bridge at Usher’s Island. Streetlights fragmented and dissolved on the black surface of the river. Finally they reached the entrance of Eileen’s apartment building and stood together under the projecting arch of the external doorway. He looked at her, and with her head held straight she looked back at him. After taking a deep breath in, she said effortfully: Let’s just forget about it, can we? He waited a moment as if to let her continue, but she didn’t. I’m sorry to sound stupid, he answered, but about what, do you mean? She went on looking at him, her face thin and pale. I suppose about the whole thing, she said. And we can just be friends again. He started to nod his head while she watched him. Sure, he said. That’s alright. I’m glad we’ve talked about it. He paused briefly and then added: I’m sorry if you thought I was ignoring you at Paula’s house. I had been looking forward to seeing you, very much. I didn’t mean to make you feel ignored. But that’s all. I’m going to head home now, okay? I may not see you during the week, but in any case we’ll see each other at the wedding. She seemed to swallow, and then asked haltingly: Is Caroline going to be there? I know you said you were thinking about bringing her. He looked up at Eileen then, and started to smile. Ah no, he said. I never invited her in the end. But if that was all you wanted, you could