Joy:
It’s been nice to have a female friend in the house. It does bring old memories of childhood, though. Renee has taken a job in Poughkeepsie, therefore we have money flowing back in now; she is deeply worried about carrying her weight. I am writing like a madwoman—the King Charles II book has opened a crack in my creativity and the words are flowing once again.
Exciting news: I am making plans to come to England. There are some logistics to unravel, but I believe it can be done.
One humid spring morning I went to both Bill and Renee and asked them to hear me as I told them of my plans to save us all.
We sat in the living room, Bill and I on the sagging corduroy couch and Renee in the stiff Naugahyde chair across the low wood veneer coffee table. The room was as clean as it’d been in months—between Renee’s ministrations and the return of our housekeeper, Grace, the dust and clutter had been temporarily excised.
“In April,” I began, “I’ll receive a check for my articles. I’d like to use that money to take a journey overseas.” I paused. “To England.”
Renee smiled at me, her eyeliner crinkling. Bill shifted, his back pressing against the armrest of the couch as if he was trying to get as far away from me as possible. “England,” he said in a sentence all its own.
“Bill,” Renee said in her sweet voice, “you know Dr. Cohen said she needed something like this.”
Bill glanced at Renee and then to me. “Are you feeling sick again?”
“You know how I feel. My body hurts. Everything in me hurts. But that’s not the only reason. I love you both and I love the boys, I know I do, but I feel numb to it, and lost.”
“And how will you live?” His voice sank lower, the Southern accent nowhere to be found.
“I have the articles, and a royalty check coming from Macmillan any day now, and I’ll finish or work on at least two books while I’m there.” I shifted on the couch, took in a breath, set forth the words I’d practiced. “When I close my eyes, I see the deep green of it all. It’s a place where we have friends I can stay with—Phyl is in London now.” I looked at Renee. “She stayed with us last winter during a crisis in her life, and she’s made it clear that I have a place to stay. And we also have a friend who might have some answers to help us all.”
“Mr. Lewis,” Bill said.
“Yes.” I hesitated. This was where I could lose my balance. “I’ve started the novel on King Charles II, and I think it could be a real moneymaker. But I need to go to Edinburgh to the library there for research. I could also complete the Ten Commandments articles, which might make an appealing book, all compiled. And to boot, England’s medical care is practically free. They don’t stop tourists from using it when on holiday. I could finally get all my teeth fixed and some checkups I’ve been putting off because—”
“We don’t have the money here,” Bill interrupted, but then softened, moving closer to me and taking my hands. “Joy, we want you to get better, and I know we can’t afford the medical care here. Do what you need to do. If you feel going abroad might help you, then you should do it.”
“Whatever you need to be healthy,” Renee agreed.
“I’m doing this for all of us,” I said. “I can barely stand to think of leaving my boys, but I know they will have both of you. Everything will be better when I return. It’s no different from one of your business trips,” I said to Bill. “Whenever you come back, it’s like you never left.”
Bill kissed the inside of my palm. “We will be fine.” He stood and sauntered off as if we’d just decided to have sloppy joes for dinner.
Renee also stood. She picked up a plastic dog-chew toy shaped like a bone from the floor and threw it into a basket under the coffee table. “We’ll be dandy, cookie. Just fine. You’ve saved us, and I will do the same for you.” She reached for my hand. “You get well so you can return ready for anything.”
“Yes, ready for anything.”
Jack:
Warnie and I look forward to finally meeting our pen-friend. Please keep us apprised of your travel plans. Looking forward.
Joy:
I sail from New York the second week of August and will arrive in Southampton on the 13th. I shall be staying with an old friend in London and will let you know when I arrive and have settled.
During those weeks before I left, my insides felt torn open in places that had felt numb for years, as if the decision itself had awakened the soul inside of me. I told my sons where I was going and what a grand adventure it would be. We made up stories of what England might look like. Davy drew pictures, and Douglas wondered if the forests were denser or greener. No one could count how many times I told them how much I would miss them, how the idea of being gone made me ache for them even as they sat by my side.