Kenji throws up his arms in frustration. “Oh my God. You haven’t told him yet?” he says to Ella. “What are you waiting for? Listen, I thought this idea was dumb to begin with, but now it’s just getting ridiculous—”
“I was going to tell him this morning,” she says, tensing. “I just haven’t had a chance yet. We’ve been busy—”
“I bet you were, princess,” Kenji says, a muscle ticking in his jaw. “Why is your hair wet?”
“I took a shower.”
“You took a shower,” he says, eyes narrowing. “Really.”
“Okay— What is going on?” I ask, glancing between Ella and the others as a familiar dread moves up my spine. “Is this about the surprise?”
“The surprise?” Kenji is confused only a moment before understanding alights in his eyes. He looks at Winston. “Wait—I thought we sent you to go get him an hour ago?”
Winston explodes. “This is exactly what I’ve been trying to say— This son of a bitch made me wait outside the MT for an hour, even though I was perfectly nice to him, despite my better judgment—”
“Fucking hell,” Kenji mutters angrily, pushing his hands through his hair. “As if we didn’t have enough going on today.” He turns to me. “You made Winston wait an entire hour just to give you the damn dog?”
“The dog?” I frown. “The dog is the surprise? How is it a surprise if I already know it exists?”
“Wait, what dog?” Ella looks at me, then at the others. “You mean the dog from yesterday?”
“Yeah.” Kenji sighs. “Yara took the dog last night. She gave him a bath, scrubbed him up. She got him a collar and everything. She really wanted it to be a surprise for Warner and made us promise not to say anything about it. The dog is wearing a stupid bow on his head right now.”
Ella has stiffened beside me. “Who’s Yara?”
Her faint, almost undetectable note of jealousy— possessiveness—only cements my smile in place.
“You know Yara,” Kenji says to Ella. “Redhead? Tall? Runs the school group? You’ve talked to her—”
Kenji catches sight of my face and cuts himself off.
“And what the hell are you smiling about? You’ve messed up our entire schedule, dickhead. We’re an hour behind on everything now, all becau—”
“Stop,” Ella says angrily. “Stop calling him names. He’s not a dickhead. He’s not a jackass. He’s not self-absorbed. I don’t know why you guys think it’s okay to just say whatever terrible things you want about him—to his face— as if he’s made of stone. You all do it. You all insult him over and over again and he just takes it—he doesn’t even say anything—and somehow you’ve convinced yourselves it’s okay. Why? He’s a real, flesh-and-blood person. Why don’t you care? Why don’t you think he has feelings? What the hell is wrong with you?”
My smile is gone in an instant.
I experience a strange pain then, a sensation not unlike dissolving slowly from the inside. This feeling sharpens to a point, piercing me.
I turn to look at Ella.
She seems to sense the change in me; for a moment, they all do.
I feel a vague mortification at that, at the realization that I’ve somehow exposed myself. The proceeding silence is brief but torturous, and when Ella wraps her arms around my waist, hugging me close even in the midst of all this, I hear Winston clear his throat.
Tentatively, I lift a hand to her head, drawing it slowly down her hair. I worry, sometimes, that my love for her will expand beyond the limitations of my body, that it will one day kill me with its heft.
Kenji averts his eyes.
He is subdued when he says, “Yeah. Um, anyway, last I checked, the dog was in the dining tent, eating breakfast with everyone.”
Another awkward beat, and Winston sighs. “Should I go get Yara? Do we even have time?”
“I don’t think so,” Kenji says. “I think we should tell her to keep the dog until after.”
“After what?” I ask, trying to read the maelstrom of emotions around me and failing. “What’s going on?”
Kenji blows out a breath. He looks exhausted. “J, you have to tell him.”
She pulls away from me, panicked in an instant. “But I had a plan—I was going to take him there first—”
“We don’t have time for this, princess. You waited too long, and now it’s officially a problem. Tell him what’s happening.”