I wouldn’t hold it against her if she isn’t.
“There was a moment that I did dare to hope, though. When Athair told me that the families were willing to unite and discuss our chances for peace, I was certain that was the thing that would bring my brother back to us. That somehow the treaty would erase years of his suffering, and Patrick would snap out of his depression once and for all. Unfortunately, I miscalculated how deep his scars ran. Even after Athair and I came back from the negotiation table with the other bosses and dons, the news never mended Patrick’s heart as I thought it would. In fact, he reprimanded us for the plan put in place. Chastising us that in our attempts to stop the war, we couldn’t find a better way but to sacrifice innocent lives once again. Iris being one of them. Then five years ago, the pain must have been too much for him to withstand. He just couldn’t go on in a world where death and grief were all around him. So, he took his life.”
I wipe away the silent tears my wife sheds for a man she never met, but somehow found it in her heart to care for in the space of time it took me to tell his story.
“After his death, my father stepped down as boss. He couldn’t function. Couldn’t see past his pain, much less ensure that the other families’ demands were set in place before the ten-year deadline arrived. I stepped up, took the burden onto my shoulders, and became the cold, heartless man you’re married to today. I had to become this lie you see, acushla. Because if anyone saw how raw and broken I was on the inside, they would have taken everything my family had worked so hard to keep. All those lives lost, including my brother’s, would have been in vain.”
“But that’s not why I’m telling you this. I want you to know why I lied to you last night. Why I said all those awful things to push you away. When Patrick died, it almost killed my parents. It almost killed all of us. But the sorrow and heartache I went through paled in comparison to my parents’ despair. I was scared, acushla. I am scared. Losing a brother that I loved was painful enough, but after witnessing my parents’ strife, I don’t think I would ever survive the kind of loss they went through. I know I wouldn’t.”
“What are you saying?” She blinks her tears away.
“I’m saying that even with the treaty in place, I will always have enemies. Enemies that will do everything in their power to break me and steal what I have. If I had a son… a daughter… there would be no greater weapon they could use to destroy me.”
She closes her eyelids as if I just eviscerated all her hopes and dreams.
“Look at me, love.” Hesitantly she lifts her gaze to me. I turn on my side, grip both of her hands in mine, and place a chaste kiss on them. “My fear is real and debilitating, but so is the thought of losing you. You will be a mother, acushla. If that is your desire, then you will be a mother. Either by my blood or not, you shall have children. I give you my word, wife. From here on out, I will make you happy and give you all your heart’s desires.”
“Are you saying you would love any child I gave you?”
“I’m saying I already do. Whether it’d be mine or not, love. I will protect and love it with all my heart, just as much as I love its mother.”
There is a small smile that tugs at her lower lip, making my eyes land on her gorgeous mouth. As if reading my inner thoughts and turmoil, she softly presses her lips to mine, ending my agony with one simple kiss.
And for the first time in a long time, I dare myself to hope.
Chapter 22
Rosa
“How badly do you hate me?” Tiernan asks once we break our kiss.
“On a scale of one to ten?”
He nods.
“Zero,” I confess, to which his brows pull together skeptically. “It’s true. I wanted to be angry at you. Hate you even. Sometimes I convinced myself that I did. But there was a part of me, right here,” I place his hand over my heart, “that refused to hate you. Even when you gave me plenty of reasons that I should.”
My hand goes to his chest, pressing on the beating organ underneath while I keep his on mine.
“You’re a fool, acushla. With no self-preservation to speak of.”
“That might be true. But this foolish heart still fell in love with you.”
His eyes slant shut as if my admission of love hurts him as much as it heals. He leans his temple to kiss mine and breathes me in, his heart thumping madly under my hand.
“I’m not a good man, love. I can never promise you that I’ll become one. I’ve seen too much. I’ve done too much to be given absolution. But if your words are true, if you do love me, then I promise I’ll be good to you. I’m tired of fighting this, acushla. So fucking tired. But I’m ready now. If you’ll have me, I’m ready for you and the life you want to build. All you have to do is let me.”