“The only thing that scares me is not being a good, loyal soldier to my boss. That somehow I might break his trust in me.”
Like I have been doing since Rosa came into our lives.
“I didn’t know you cared for Tiernan’s opinion so much,” she replies, disillusioned.
“Why wouldn’t I? I’m a soldier. Soldiers should strive to gain their general’s good opinion of them.”
“You talk as if we’re at war. The Mafia Wars are over, Colin. Didn’t you get the memo? If they weren’t, I wouldn’t be here to begin with.”
“The Mafia Wars might be over, but there are always battles to be fought.”
“That’s disheartening.” She frowns. “If that’s true, then when can we stop and just live our lives without the fear that death is just around the corner?”
“We can’t. Death is a certainty. Either by the blade or from old age, it will come for us.”
“Then I prefer the latter.” She smiles sweetly, a twinkle in her eyes that pierces me right in the gut, deeper than any knife could.
“As do I.” I can’t help but give her a small smile of my own, making her grin stretch as far as the eye can see.
When Rosa stares into my eyes, only to drift back to the marks on my face, my miniscule smile falls dead onto the floor. It’s the second time she’s done that today, making my skin itch and my throat clog. I turn my back to her and walk further down the hall until I reach a dead end.
Fuck.
“I’m sorry,” she says behind me, placing her hand on my shoulder blade. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”
“You didn’t.”
Another lie.
But the truth would only make her feel uncomfortable, and I quite enjoy Rosa being at ease with me. Not many people are.
“Can I ask you a question?”
My shoulders tense up and my back straightens, already mentally preparing myself for what I know she will ask next.
I can’t fault her inquisitiveness.
Most people have a morbid curiosity to know every detail of how I got so disfigured on the left side of my face and neck. But not many know the truth. All they know is that I got caught in a fire back when I was still living in Ireland. The specifics of said fire, however, I leave out. I’m not sure I can be so withholding with Rosa’s intense gaze on me, though.
“Just ask,” I grunt.
“Did we…” she begins to stammer. “I mean… did my family do that to you?”
I’m suddenly taken aback by the guilty sorrow in her voice.
“Is that really what you want to know?”
“Yes. I want to know how deep your hatred of me is.”
I turn to her and snake my hand behind the nape of her neck, bringing her face closer to mine.
“I could never hate you, Rosa. Don’t ever say or even think such things.”
Again her gaze softens, and this time when she glances up at my scars, I don’t shy away from her. This gives her the courage to press her hand on my cheek, gently caressing the hideous part of my face.
“Does it hurt?”
I shake my head.
“The skin feels rough, ragged even.”
“Aye. Scars tend to harden over time.”
“Even the ones people can’t see?”
“Especially those, sweet rose.”
Her gaze begins to water in sadness, provoked both by the endearment and by the harsh truth of my words.
“Don’t shed tears for me, lass. These scars no longer hurt me as much as they used to. They only serve as a reminder.”
“A reminder of what?”
“That monsters exist.”
And that all you can do is hope you become an even bigger monster to scare the others away.
She pulls away by taking a step back, a stern expression overtaking her delicate facial features.
“Just tell me. Was it my family? My father? My brother? Did one of them do this to you?”
I shake my head, to which she immediately lets out a sigh of relief, her stiff stance instantly relaxing with the knowledge her family had no part in hurting me. I don’t have the heart to tell her that even though her family wasn’t responsible for my scars, they had a hand in creating Tiernan’s.
I pick up her hand and place a tender kiss to her open palm before letting it drop again to her side. I then turn to the painting, this one, oddly enough, of a forest deprived of sunlight. Its darkness calls out to me and pulls me back to a night where the sky was pitch black, and only my childhood home burning up in flames illuminated it.