Ryan hesitates. “She’s the one he calls for when he’s drunk, the one he can’t ever forget. He won’t tell me anything about her, but it’s her he calls for every single time he drinks too much. There are plenty of girls he has fun with, but she’s the only one he’ll ever love. Don’t be just another girl, okay? If you never trust me again and there’s no future for us, I’ll find a way to live with that, but please, please… please don’t ever get with Silas. If he goes after you it’s really only to hurt me. Please don’t let him use you like that. Don’t let him do to you what I did.”
I nod, my heart uneasy. The name Ray sounds familiar, and it’s almost like I can hear Silas whisper it in a memory I can’t quite grasp.
Realistically, there’s no future for Silas and me. If people were to find out about us, we’d be judged harshly, and I have no doubt it’d harm Silas’s reputation.
“You don’t need to worry about that. He’s just my boss.”
Ryan looks into my eyes and forces a smile onto his face. “I believe you, but the photos posted by The Herald definitely made it look like there was something going on between you. They were also left up for much longer than Sinclair Security usually allows, almost as if Silas wanted everyone to see those photos. The way you two danced together, and the way he looked at you… it made me feel sick, Alanna.”
I grimace and nod. That’s probably how most people would respond if they found out about us. They’d call Silas sick or cruel for going after his brother’s girl, and I don’t even want to imagine what they’d say about me.
“Like I said,” I murmur. “You don’t need to worry about it. Besides, you two seem to be doing okay now, aren’t you? You work for Sinclair Security and you guys have dinner together every once in a while. I’m not dismissing what you told me, but Silas seems like a good person. He works hard, and he clearly cares about you.”
Ryan looks away and sighs. “I think he just feels guilty for taking everything from me and leaving Mom and me penniless. There isn’t much left for him to take, so I guess he’s feeling charitable now.”
I shake my head. “Just talk to him. I don’t think he’s pitying you. To me, it looks like he cares about you and wants to salvage whatever relationship you can still have, but relationships are two-way streets, you know?”
Ryan nods and grabs my hand, squeezing tightly. “Yeah, I know.” He hesitates and looks away for a moment. “Alanna, you and I… we’re okay, right? We’re still friends, right? I thought we were okay, but it feels like I’m losing you, and I don’t know what to do.”
My thoughts turn to Silas, and how upset he was when I had lunch with Ryan. I don’t want to see him hurting like that again, but it’s near impossible to cut ties with Ryan completely. My thoughts turn to the future I can’t help but imagine, and for a moment, I wonder what it’d be like if I formally dated Silas. I wouldn’t be able to avoid Ryan, and each family dinner would turn into hell.
“Yeah,” I whisper. “We’re fine.”
We aren’t fine at all, but I’m not sure what else to say. It doesn’t matter what road I choose to walk — they’re all dead ends.
Chapter Fifty-Five
Alanna
I walk into the house after a fulfilling evening volunteering with Ryan, my heart filled to the brim with something that feels a lot like closure. The way our relationship ended left me questioning everything about who I am and who we were as a couple. Ryan might have been the one who broke my trust, but it resulted in me questioning everyone and everything around me.
It might have been different for someone who’s lived a full life with enough memories to help them withstand the hits that life brings them, but it isn’t the same for me. I was betrayed by the only person I ever remember trusting, the only person I’ve ever let in, the only one I’ve ever loved. It left me feeling stupid and inadequate, as though somehow, I deserved what happened, because I failed to see through Ryan, because I chose to trust him.
I walk into the living room to find Silas standing by the window, a whiskey glass in his hand. He turns to face me, his expression unreadable. “Where were you?” he asks, his voice soft.
I tense, unsure what to tell him. If I tell him the truth, would that hurt him? Would it anger him?
Silas put his glass down and walks toward me, his steps slow and measured, his gaze trained on me. My heart starts to race and I bite down on my lip in an attempt to keep my nerves under control. He pauses in front of me and raises his hand to my face, placing a finger underneath my chin to tip my face up toward his. “There’s sand in your hair,” he whispers. “Who were you with?”