He hands me the envelope, and I take it with trembling hands. My heart is racing as I open the envelope carefully, not wanting to tear it open. Silas shifts his weight from one leg to the other, seemingly just as nervous as I am.
I gasp when I slide a birthday card out of the envelope, a portrait of me on it… except the girl in the drawing looks nothing like me… she’s far more beautiful than I ever hope to be. “Did you draw this?” I ask, shocked.
Silas nods and looks away. I’ve never seen him look so vulnerable before. “It’s beautiful,” I whisper. I open the card, taking in the simple birthday message in his handwriting. Instead of his name, it’s signed with the ψ symbol. “I love it, Silas.” My voice trembles, and I hug the card to my chest. “This… thank you. Thank you so much, Si. I don’t need expensive flowers or diamonds, Si. Nothing could ever beat this.”
He smiles at me and nods, but I see the insecurity in his eyes. Before I have a chance to even attempt to reassure him, he reaches back into his pocket and takes out a thin glass canister with paper inside it. “This,” he tells me, “is for next year.”
He tips his head toward the tree, and I follow his gaze. “My mother and I planted this tree over a decade ago,” he says. “Every year, my father would take me here for my birthday, to my mother’s favorite place. She and I had a tradition, you see… every year on my birthday, she’d draw me a picture, and I’d draw her one. We then put them in glass bottles and buried them. Throughout the year, we’d try to guess what the other had drawn, right down to the last detail. Whoever got closest would win a wish that the other had to fulfill. It was a silly competition, but it was ours.”
I look around again, seeing this place through fresh eyes. We aren’t trespassing at all, not really… this place should belong to Silas, and I have no doubt that one day it will again. “Si, that’s your tradition with her,” I whisper. “Something like that… you should share that with someone special.”
He kneels down in front of me and looks up at me. “I am, Ray,” he whispers.
“Ray?”
He nods. “I’ve been calling you by your name for far too long. You need a nickname. I thought of calling you sunshine, but I’ve spent too many days in the blistering sun, desperate for a glass of water. You’re a ray of sunshine, a ray of light, a ray of hope in an otherwise dark, bleak world. You’re enough to illuminate my path, yet I always want more.”
My eyes widen, and Silas smiles at me, his expression tender. When he looks at me like that, he gives me hope that someday, he and I could be more than friends.
Silas tears his gaze away and I watch as he digs through the dirt with his bare hands before burying the bottle, my heart racing wildly the entire time. He pushes the dirt flat onto the ground, securing the treasure he buried before brushing his hands against each other.
Si rises to his feet, towering above me, his eyes on mine. “Now you’ve got one of my firsts too, Alanna. You’re the first woman I’ve ever drawn a portrait of, unless we’re counting the childish doodles I shared with my mom. You’re the first woman I’ve brought here, the first one to have received a birthday card from me.”
I take a step closer to him and place my palms against his chest, my heart racing. “Next year,” I whisper. “Next year, I’ll bring a gift of my own too. I can’t draw, Si… but I’ll think of something.”
He smirks and places his hands on my waist, his touch far more intimate than usual. “I’m looking forward to it,” he whispers. Then he takes a step away from me, almost as though he physically wants to distance himself from me, and I sigh. Every once in a while, I catch a glimpse of what could be, if he’d let it… and tonight I want it more than ever before.
“Will you tell me about your favorite memories in this place?”
“Not counting the one we’re creating right now?” he replies, and I blush.
Si drops back down to the ground with a smile on his face. I watch him as he takes off his hoodie, his t-shirt riding up with it and exposing his abs. He places it on the ground and tips his head toward it. My eyes widen, and I freeze. Why would he do that for me? I know how long he has to wait to wash his clothes at the shelter, yet he so carelessly threw his hoodie on the floor… for me.
My heart aches as I sit down next to him. Si smiles at me, and my heart starts to race. I’m falling for him, and I know I’ll never have him. Silas has made that much clear. Even if there’s a spark between us, he won’t act on it.