I wish I had her fearlessness. I wish I could rid myself of the sinking sensation that feels like falling whenever I’m on display. I wish it didn’t become hard to breathe when someone new wants to strike up a conversation. I wish I wasn’t helpless in a crowd. I wish my body didn’t dictate how I’m supposed to react to things. That I could just tell it, Behave, and it would listen.
I wish I could separate myself from the fear, to learn who I truly am.
CHAPTER
TWENTY
When Kellyn announces that we’ve arrived at the village, I’m confused. The landscape looks exactly the same as it has for the last week or so. Beautiful forest country. Wild greenery. Small mammals and birds.
But then Kellyn points to something.
A fence post.
And farther ahead, horses grazing.
Kellyn mentioned that the village consisted of nothing but farming families, but I hadn’t quite imagined this. Log cabin–style homes, acres and acres between lots. Trees in every yard. Children playing outdoors. Men and women working with plows and hoes on their land.
Everyone wants to talk. Kellyn is easily recognized, and he takes the time to converse briefly with his neighbors.
After the fourth visit, I whisper harshly, “Isn’t it better if no one knows you’re visiting?”
“Who are they going to tell? Most of the people here have never left the village. They’ll live their whole lives here and die here.”
That silences me. For now.
When Kellyn says we’re nearing his family’s home, he adds, “Please don’t say anything about our troubles. I don’t want to worry them. You’re all friends I’m bringing home for a visit.”
“Do you usually bring friends over for a visit?” Petrik asks.
“No.”
“Then I’m sure this will go splendidly.”
Before the mercenary can respond, a shout of “Kellyn!” reaches us in a birdlike tone.
“Look, it’s him!”
“Kellyn’s home!”
And then a group of children are rushing him. He holds out his arms, captures all four of them, and then pretends to fall over from the force of their hug.
“We missed you!”
“Did you bring us presents?”
He rights himself and the children, before ruffling the nearest boy’s hair. “No presents this time, but I did bring some friends for you to meet.”
Three boys and a girl turn their bright eyes to us.
“Right, introductions,” he adds. “Ziva, Temra, Petrik, let me introduce you to Tias, age seven; Rallon, age nine; Wardra, age ten; and Kyren, age eleven.”
“I’m seven and a half,” the youngest boy argues.
“My mistake! How could I forget that half a year?”
“Because you’ve been gone too long,” the girl, Wardra, whines.
“I know. I’ve been working,” he says.
“Can I hold your sword?” Kyren asks.
While Kellyn tries to talk him out of that idea, I’m stuck staring at the little girl. She has golden-red hair the exact same shade as Kellyn’s.
“Who are these children?” I ask him.
“My brothers and sister,” Kellyn says simply.
“Come, look what we’ve been doing!” The children drag us over to a little pond hidden among the tall grass. In a section of mud near the edge, there appears to be a small fort of sticks, perhaps one foot by one foot in size. Within is a little green frog.
“We’re making him a home,” Rallon says.
“And what a fine home it is. He will be the envy of all frogs,” Kellyn says.
He’s so good with the children. His siblings. I’ve never seen him interact with kids before.
It … does something to me.
I find myself wanting to touch him again.
“Where is everyone else?” Kellyn asks after they discuss the finer points of frog houses.
“The little ones are at home with Ma. Da is in the fields with Dynar and Orta.” Then Kyren turns to me. “Next year, I get to help in the fields, too. I’ll be old enough then.”
“But you’re so strong already,” I say to him.
He smiles before hiding his face against his shoulder. Then he takes off at a run. “Kellyn, I’ll go tell Da you’re home!”
“Then the rest of us had better go surprise Ma, hadn’t we?”
The littlest boy and the girl hold Kellyn’s hands as they walk.
Petrik turns to Temra and me. “What happened to Kellyn?”
“He’s been replaced with some kindhearted sap,” Temra says.