I flattened my lips. “What, you going to make me run laps?”
“If that’s what it takes.”
I shook my head, balancing my elbows on my knees as my shoulders drooped. “It’s family shit. Nothing I want to share with anyone — no offense.”
“Did someone die?”
I frowned at him. “What? No. And that was a little harsh, Cap.”
“I need to know how serious this is.”
“Why, so you can replace me?”
He gave me a look that echoed his earlier sentiment.
If that’s what it takes.
I ran a hand back through my hair, sitting up straight again. “I broke up with Giana. I’m back with Maliyah. My mom is going to rehab. My dad is a piece of shit who couldn’t care less about any of it, and if you push me off my spot, I swear to God, I’ll kill you, Holden, because you’d be ripping away the only source of joy I have. Football is my lifeline,” I said, surprised at the way my throat tightened with the words. “It’s… it’s all I have left.”
I met his gaze then, chest heaving, and something softer washed over his expression as he watched me in return.
“You’re back with Maliyah,” he said, choosing to ignore the rest.
I sniffed, looking at the ground again. “Yeah.”
“And that’s what you want?”
“Yep,” I lied, standing. “Can I go now, sergeant, or are you throwing me in the brig?”
Holden gave me a look that told me he clearly wasn’t amused by the joke, but still, he seemed satisfied enough to stop torturing me — at least for the day.
“Go,” he said, waving me off. “Get your head right before Monday.”
I nodded, but before I could reach the door, he called out again.
“And don’t forget we’re not just your team,” he said, halting me.
I waited, but didn’t turn.
“We’re your friends. We’re family. I know you’re always the one lending the hand, Clay, but we can help you, too.” He paused. “You just have to be willing to let us.”
Something about that sentiment pierced me like a hot blade between the ribs, so I simply nodded to let him know I’d heard him and then ducked out the door, heading for the locker room.
As soon as I turned the corner, she was there.
Giana was dimly lit at the other end of the hall, her hair in a frazzled mess of a bun on top of her head as she fumbled with the keys to her office while balancing an iPad tucked under her arm. Even from a distance, I could see the bags under her eyes that mirrored mine, the slump in her shoulders that reminded me of the pain I’d caused her.
When the door clicked open, she sighed, and glanced down the hall.
She froze when she saw me.
The burning pain in my chest was like experiencing every tackle I’d ever been victim of all at once. It was bone-crushing and soul-stealing, and yet I took every horrendous second of it so I could stare at her a little longer.
She opened her mouth and took a minute step toward me, but then stopped, clamping her lips together again.
And then she ducked into the office, slamming the door behind her.
Giana
“You know I hate to see you like this,” Dad said, sipping his bourbon as I used my fork to push the salad around on my plate. I thought by at least moving it a little, it would look like I’d eaten some, but the heap of soggy arugula staring up at me begged to differ.
I released my grip on the utensil, sitting back in my booth on a defeated sigh. “I know. I’m sorry, Dad.”
“I don’t want you to be sorry about what you’re feeling. I want you to talk to me about it so we can figure out if there’s a way to fix what’s hurting you.”
“There isn’t,” I told him.
The corner of his mouth lifted a bit even as his brows inched together, his black wire-framed glasses shifting with the movement. He swirled his glass, taking another sip before he sat it down and leaned forward.
My own aqua eyes stared back at me, only his were darker, as was his skin and hair. But anyone who passed the table could see we were related, could see how much I favored him over my mom.
“Out of your control, huh?”
I nodded, picking up my fork again just so I could have something to do with my hands.
Dad thumbed a beat on the table. “Well, you’re at an age where life is going to start coming at you fast. This is likely the first of many things you’ll encounter that are out of your control.”
“It drives me crazy,” I admitted. “And it… hurts.”