I fought the urge to deflate, using every muscle lining my spine to keep it straight, my chin raised, eyes on her.
She glanced up at me before sighing. “Can you handle it or not?”
I bristled at the accusation, at the fact that she even had to ask. But then again, I couldn’t blame her — not after what she’d had to work with since I first walked through her door. It had taken all my effort, every single day, just to look these guys in the eye and speak loud enough to direct them where they needed to be.
I’d come a long way, yes… but I certainly had a ways to go.
“Of course,” I answered, hoping my confidence was convincing.
“Good, then we don’t need to discuss it further.” She took a sip of her room-temperature water — I knew it was room temp because it had been part of my job as intern last year to make sure it was. “I’m depending on you to handle this kind of work so I don’t have to waste my time or energy. Use the intern if you need to.”
The intern.
Charlotte couldn’t even be bothered to call her by her name.
It was the same way for me, until I proved myself worthy last fall. Although I was in hot water before this season had even started, so I imagined last year didn’t matter much. Still, Charlotte had to see something in me — potential, grit, tenacity — otherwise, I wouldn’t be here.
I held onto that as she continued.
“Coach Sanders has informed me that he’d like the team to be more involved in giving back to the community,” she said without waiting for a response from me, and I knew the quick change in subject meant that she expected me to take care of the Clay situation — whatever that looked like. “He gave some touching sob story for his reasoning, but I know without needing clarification that it will make the team look good — and him by proxy. So,” she said, clicking her mouse a few times until my phone vibrated with a calendar alert. “Save the date for a team auction.”
“What will we be auctioning off?” I asked, adding the event with a tap of my thumb.
“The players.”
I coughed on a laugh, but covered it as clearing my throat when I saw Charlotte was serious.
“It will be a date auction, with the date activities donated by various people in the community who want to take part, and all the funds raised being given to charity.”
“Which charity?”
She waved her hand. “I don’t know, you pick one.”
I smiled, adding the task to my to-do list.
“You can go,” Charlotte said next, and then she balanced her dainty elbow on her desk, finger directed at me. “Get Johnson under control. I’m inviting Sarah Blackwell back for an exclusive on Chart Day and I want him happy as a clam to speak with her.”
I nodded, excusing myself without any verbal confirmation because I knew none was needed. And as soon as I ducked out of her office and closed the door behind me, I took a long, sweet breath that didn’t burn from the smoke my dragon of a boss loved to fill the room with.
In the next breath, determination sank in, and I set my stride toward the weight room.
All my life, I’d felt the desire to think differently, to act differently, to challenge myself and the world around me.
Growing up, I was left in the shadows, the unremarkable middle child in a stack of five annoyingly talented kids. I had two older sisters and two younger brothers, and as such, I slipped into the background of our family without much consequence.
I was the third girl, unremarkable in its own right, sentenced to wear hand-me-down clothes and never have the chance to form an identity of my own. Couple that with the fact that I had two brothers born not too long after me, the boys my parents had prayed for, and you could say I was as invisible as the dust collecting on the top of a ceiling fan. I only seemed to be noticed when I got in the way, when my presence became a nuisance or flared up someone’s allergies.
Still, I didn’t feel bitter growing up. The comparison game never really got to me. I thought it was spectacular that my oldest sister, Meghan, excelled at softball and went on to play in college, receiving a full-ride scholarship. I was in awe of my second oldest sister, Laura, getting into MIT. I knew without a doubt that she’d change the world with her passion for science engineering. And I had nothing but love for my younger brothers, Travis and Patrick, who were little inventors set to appear on Shark Tank once they got the right million-dollar idea hammered out.
If anything, I kind of loved existing in the forgotten space in-between. No one bothered me when I locked myself in my room for the weekend, reading and watching documentaries. With all my parents’ attention on my siblings, I was free to use my time exploring the world and what makes it tick, which was my favorite thing to do — aside from getting lost in a smutty, taboo romance novel.