Someone’s essence, their life force, the thing that makes them a human, and my bond is chomping away at it like a kid with a hefty slice of chocolate cake.
I don’t want to think about it anymore.
I don’t want to think about anything.
North walks me back to the house and hands me one of the bottles of water we’d brought back, pressing it into the palm of my hand and then standing over me until I’ve drunk the entire lot. I have to threaten him to get him to leave me here alone and go back to his office, mostly because I don’t want him hovering over me if I’m going to actually be sick.
Once he leaves, I climb into Gabe’s bed and pull the blankets over my head, wallowing in his scents like a lovesick brat while I attempt to ignore the happy munching happening deep in my gut.
It’s really disgusting.
Atlas finds me in there an hour later, huffing and rolling about like an idiot. When I glance up at him, just a little embarrassed about the state I’m in, he smiles at me, leaning against the door frame.
“How are you feeling? Are we about to take an epic nap?”
I sigh and pull myself up into a sitting position, shaking my head. “No, I’m trying not to have a freaking meltdown about this new and improved party trick my bond has pulled out. You can’t even act like it’s normal and fine, Atlas. I was still aware in there. I saw your face.”
He grimaces a little and then takes a seat next to me, slinging an arm over my shoulder and pressing a kiss into my hair. “I was just shocked. It’s not… something I’ve heard of before. I thought—I don’t know what I thought it was doing, to be honest. What can I do, Sweetness? What can I do to make this better for you?”
I sigh and lean my head back to look at him properly. “I’m tired. I don’t want to face everyone once North tells them all what happened, and they’ll all want to talk about it. I’m also sick of living on top of each other. I’m irritable, and I know that none of this matters because we’re safer here and protecting vulnerable people, but I’m so fucking sick of this shit.”
He nods slowly and brushes the hair away from my face gently, looking so deeply into my eyes that I almost feel shy about the intimacy of it. “Use your mind link and tell North we’re going for a ride on the ATVs. Tell him you’re safe and that we’ll stay in the view of the cameras the whole time. I know where they are; we can drive in their path. I think we all know that your bond has you covered even if something happens to me.”
I raise an eyebrow at him but when he doesn’t say anything else, I do as he asks. North is good about it, only replying, Tell me when you’re on your way back so that I know you’re safe. Don’t do anything stupid, Bonded.
Atlas shoos me out of the room and tells me he’ll pack for us both and to go grab the ATV. I give him a curious look, but he just shoos me out of the house entirely.
I duck into the garage, looking for the keys I need, and find Gryphon already there with a helmet for me. When I roll my eyes at him, he just puts it onto my head for me and drawls, “As if I’d let you sneak off without saying goodbye. Bassinger is probably going to find a cave to hole up in for a month and I’ll have to come looking.”
Hmm.
I’d probably be okay with that. I let him buckle the strap before I reply, “You’re not going to be mad at me for running away?”
He shrugs and adjusts the straps until the helmet is snugly in place. “Nope. I heard everything going on inside your head when it happened. You need a minute to figure that out, and you’re going to get that minute, even if I have to use every trick in the book to keep North from coming out there after the two of you.”
Well, shit. Now I want to break down and cry over his thoughtfulness. “I just need a break. I love you all, but I really need to breathe. And, like, a whole day of just dealing with one of you and not the whole bunch arguing about rationing and Tac bullshit.”
His eyes are hot as he swoops down to kiss the life out of me, a blistering show of force that nearly sweeps me off of my feet. I have no idea of what prompted it but, hell, maybe I want Gryphon to come along for the ride too.
When he finally breaks away from my lips, he trails kisses from my shoulder up my neck to just under the strap until he can murmur into my ear, “I love you too, Bonded, but maybe you should have saved saying that to me for my night, because now I’m thinking about stealing you away and leaving Bassinger to himself.”
I flush, realizing now what I said, but I snark back, “I don’t want to sleep in the hut, that’s the whole point. I feel like I’m… on show, twenty-four-seven, and it’s so freaking uncomfortable. I’m— it’s— I need a break.”