Did he swallow my father’s words? I press my foot to the floor.
‘Jesus, Sonya. Slow down. Small person on board.’ David is trying to make his tone sound jokey, but much as he spouts on to me about needing to ‘let go and let God’， I know he’s not able, not for a second, and being a passenger in a car driven by a wired, out-of-control woman is challenging every aspect of him that needs to be in the driving seat at all times.
‘Wheee, Tommy!’ I say, winking in the rear-view mirror.
‘Wheee,’ he says back, a watered-down limp response, unsure.
‘Wheee,’ says David, trying to join in.
Tommy looks at him with that look I saw him give me the first night he came back: appraising, cold.
Once inside, Tommy goes straight to the back door, opens it and lets Herbie and Marmie in.
‘They’re animals,’ David says. ‘Better off outside.’
‘They’re domesticated animals, though, David. Not some wild creatures that were reared in the outdoors. They’re used to heat and home comforts.’
‘Well, they can just get used to their natural habitat again.’
‘Natural habitat… a yard?’ I hear a pig-like grunt come out of me.
‘Are you snorting at me?’ he says, and I’m not quite sure what mood his tone is suggesting.
I decide to try to play it for laughs. Make a piggie sound.
‘That’s wubbish, Yaya.’
‘Hey. Don’t be rude to your mother, young man.’
‘He’s not being rude; we’re only playing,’ I say, and then wonder what I’m doing justifying my relationship with my son to this man, who only yesterday I determined to cut loose from our lives.
‘Right. Time for homework.’ Relish this, weirdly.
‘I’m very good at maths,’ David says.
‘Don’t you have anywhere you need to be?’
‘Nowhere I’d rather be! How about I make us all some food while you guys get down to it?’
Tommy is on his knees, whispering something into Herbie’s ear.
David sneezes. ‘Shit, my allergies are acting up. Really need to stick the animals outside for a while, alright, soldier?’
‘We’ll go in here,’ Tommy says, and moves with his entourage into the living room, closes the door behind him.
‘That’ll tell you!’ I say, laughing.
‘Seriously, Sonya? Have you any idea how rude that boy is?’
A sensation like a kick to the thorax; I almost double over with the force of it. ‘Excuse me?’ I manage.
‘Ah, only joking. Go on in, now, and get his homework out of the way. I’ll rustle us up an omelette.’
‘You’re ok, David, we’ve all only had our lunch.’
‘I’d feel better knowing Tommy has eaten properly.’ He’s already got the eggs out and is cracking the first against a bowl.
‘I don’t think he’ll want to eat again so soon.’
‘It isn’t all about what he wants, it’s about what he needs.’
The kitchen suddenly seems too small for us both, walls closing in. I feel clammy. Open the door to the back yard. Breathe deeply. He watches.
‘Not feeling too good, Sonya?’
My thumb is doing its spasming thing.
‘You don’t have to do this all alone again, you know.’ He starts to whisk the eggs.
I contemplate his words. See Linda cocooned inside Mark’s arms, her face blissful and trusting.
‘You have trust issues, Sonya. We both know this.’
‘Yes, I do. And with good reason… And now Tommy and I need to spend some time together, alone,’ I say in an even voice, surprising him, surprising us both.
‘Just let me finish this omelette for you.’
‘Really not necessary.’
He shakes his head, trying on a light jokey tone. ‘What woman would turn down such an offer?’
‘Thanks for all your help, I’m sure you’ve other things to be getting on with.’
He is trying very hard to maintain his reasonable, adult demeanour as he puts the bowl into the fridge. ‘Just add cheese, mushrooms, maybe some spinach later…’
‘Yes, I know.’
‘And call me when you’re going to a meeting. At least three a week. You have to stay on top of this, Sonya.’
‘I know that, David.’ I study him closely. ‘When did you and my father first make contact?’
‘He gave me his card.’ He begins to gather up his things.
‘I saw that, but why did you think it was ok to call him?’