It feels like I’ve just run a mile, because my heart is thumping in my chest like crazy. I take a deep breath and turn to take my coffee from the counter. The barista is staring at me, his eyes wide.
“Eyes off my wife, kid,” Mikhail says behind me.
The guy blinks, looks up at Mikhail, then takes a step back.
“Daddy, Daddy, can we go buy donuts now? Can we Daddy?”
“Sure, zayka.” Mikhail bends to scoop Lena up, takes my hand, and leads us toward the exit.
My phone starts ringing just as we enter the apartment.
“Wash your hands, Lenochka.” I point to the paper bag holding her donut, which she’s clutching to her chest. “And dinner first. You can eat the donut after. Okay?”
“Okay, Daddy!”
I pull out the phone, look at the screen, and turn to Bianca. “It’s Roman. Can you help Lena? I have to take this.”
She nods, brushes her hand down my forearm, and hurries toward the bathroom. I still find it hard to process how much I enjoy her touching me.
“Pakhan?” I say into the phone.
“I need you to go check on Sergei,” he says. “He hasn’t been answering his phone since this morning, and he has a meeting with Mendoza’s men tonight. If he isn't in shape to take it, I need you to go instead.”
“I’ll be there in an hour.”
I put the phone away and go to the bathroom where Bianca is helping Lena dry her hands.
“I have to go.” I reach out and remove a strand of hair from her cheek. “I’ll call Sisi to come to watch Lena. I don’t know how long it’ll take.”
Bianca looks up at me, shakes her head, points to her chest, and then to Lena.
“You sure?”
She nods and takes Lena’s hand.
“Lenochka.” I bend and brush her chin with my thumb. “Daddy needs to go to work. Bianca will stay with you, okay?”
“Okay, Daddy.” She beams and turns to Bianca. “Bianca, Bianca, can we have a pajama party. Can we please?”
“Dinner first, zayka. And be good.”
“Yes, Daddy.” She takes Bianca’s hand and starts pulling her. “Come on Bianca. Dinner first, then donut, then pajama party.”
Bianca lets Lena lead her out of the bathroom and toward the kitchen. I follow them with my gaze, then head into my bedroom to change in case I end up going to that meeting later.
On my way out, I take a small detour to the kitchen where the girls are sitting at the breakfast bar, making sandwiches.
“Listen to Bianca,” I tell Lena and place a kiss at the top of her head.
When I look up, I find Bianca watching me. God, I want to crush my mouth to hers so badly, but I don’t dare. I have no idea what happened in that coffee shop earlier to urge her to kiss me, and I don’t want to push her. It can’t be easy for her, so instead, I just brush my finger down her cheek.
“Message me if you have any problems with Lena,” I say and turn to leave.
When I’m at the door, I glance back and find Bianca watching me with narrowed eyes. I might be wrong, but it looks like she’s mad at me again.
As I am starting the car and wondering what the fuck I’m going to find when I get to Sergei’s place, I hear my phone ping with an incoming message.
19:31 Bianca: You haven’t eaten.
I stare at the message. I haven’t. And she noticed.
19:32 Mikhail: I’ll grab something along the way.
19:32 Bianca: We will prepare a sandwich for you and leave it in the fridge. Just in case.
19:33 Mikhail: Thank you.
I leave the phone on the dash and drive out of the garage. Somewhere along the way, I hear another message arrive, but I don’t open it until I park in front of Sergei’s house. When I do, I sit behind the wheel for five minutes, staring at her message.
19:52 Bianca: From now on, I expect a goodbye kiss too. Please keep that in mind, Mikhail.
After dinner and a quick bath, I tuck Lena into bed and cover her with her flowery blanket.
“Bianca, Bianca, can I have a story? Please, Bianca.”
I take my phone, browse for the online channel that has children’s stories, and lay down on the bed with her. God, she looks so much like Mikhail, I wonder if there is even one feature she got from her mother. Maybe her nose, it’s very tiny. I reach out to arrange her blanket better.
She turns to me. “Daddy likes you.”
I smile and brush her cheek. She can’t know that. Even I’m not sure what to think about Mikhail’s behavior.
“Daddy kissed you. And he held your hand. I think Daddy really, really likes you, Bianca. Daddy doesn’t like to touch people.”