They grinned at each other.
Then Izzy turned to the laptop screen.
Beau jumped up, like he hadn’t done since the first time she’d read his work. “I’m not going to go outside again, I’m just going to, um, go over there.” He pointed to the far side of the library. “I’ll look at some books, otherwise I might, like, stare at you too much.”
Izzy laughed. “Okay. I’ll let you know when I’m done.”
Once Beau was at the other end of the room, Izzy concentrated on what he’d written. It was rough, more so than other parts of the book he’d shown her, but it also felt more honest. More like him. She made a few notes, asked a few questions, but she held on to her biggest question.
“I’m done, you can come back now,” she said.
Beau came back so quickly she knew the book in his hands hadn’t distracted him at all.
“I was just reading some…” He looked down at the book he was holding. “Russian literature.”
She tried not to smile. “Russian literature?”
He nodded very quickly. “Oh yeah, totally, all the greats, you learn so much from them about writing, and life, and um, vodka.”
They both burst out laughing. Beau put the book down at the end of the table and sat down across from Izzy.
She pushed the laptop across to him. This was where they usually just sat in silence while he read her notes, but this time she started talking.
“I only had a few notes that I put in there—like you said, it was mostly what you told me last night. I’m glad you wrote it when it was fresh in your mind, it made it have that same urgency, that same honesty that it did when you told me. There’s a lot you can expand on, of course, and this is going to bleed out into a lot more of the book, but I’m sure you know that.” He nodded as he listened to her. “But I had one big question that I didn’t put in there, and I wanted to ask you.”
He let out a big breath. “Okay. Ask.”
Would he get mad if she asked him this? She didn’t think so, but she supposed if he did, it was good to know that now.
“You said last night that you haven’t talked to your mom about all this.”
He nodded. “Yeah.”
“But yesterday,” she said, “you sat outside and waited for me to come back so you could apologize to me. How long did you sit there, anyway?”
He looked down. “I don’t know, an hour? I wasn’t sure what to do—I don’t have your number, it’s not like I’ve ever had to text you, we live in the same house. I knew Michaela had it, and I almost texted her. I decided I would have, if it got dark before you got home, and it was getting there when you drove up.” He sighed. “But that wasn’t your point. What you meant was, I sat there and waited for you so I could apologize to you right away—why have I waited all this time to talk to my mom? Wasn’t it?”
She nodded. “Sort of, but I wasn’t going to say it quite like that. I mean, I get it, you’ve barely known me a month, it’s not a big deal; your mom is a different story.”
He looked right at her. “It was a big deal, Isabelle. You’re a big deal to me.”
She met his eyes and then looked away. “I…But—” She didn’t know what to say. This conversation was suddenly a lot more than she’d bargained for.
“But yes, I get what you mean,” he said. “It’s different. But I think part of why I sat there and waited for you—part of why I knew I had to talk to you—was because I know how bad it feels not to do it right away, I know how bad it feels to wait until it’s too late. I knew that if I didn’t get to tell you how sorry I was as soon as I could, I’d regret it forever.”
She looked at him, and she could see the sincerity in his eyes.
“Then don’t you think you’ve waited long enough, to talk to your mom?” she asked him. “Just think how much better you’ll feel afterward.”
He swallowed hard. “You’re right. Of course you are. But also. Does it have to be today? I can only deal with like, one hard conversation a month, and that’s pushing it, and so far there have been four in less than twenty-four hours. I’m sort of reaching a breaking point here.”
She laughed, and he did, too, even though she was pretty sure they both knew he wasn’t kidding.
“How about this?” she said. “How about you text her and ask if you can find a time to come see her. That way, you’ve done the hardest thing, and you’ll have a plan, and you won’t have to think about it for a while.”