Clifford tilted his head, watching me closely. 揓ealous??
I chuckled. 揘ot one bit.?
It was true. It didn抰 feel as if Clifford were mine and I didn抰 feel the desire to claim him as mine. That would probably come once we were married. Now the word jealousy only brought up one name: Santino.
He nodded but didn抰 stop the staring. He seemed to want to figure me out. It would take him years to do so if I allowed it.
揂re you a virgin??
I couldn抰 believe he asked that. 揥hat??In our circles, it was offensive to ask a girl something like that and to implicate that she might not be a virgin.
揓ust curious. It抯 none of my business anyway.?
揘o??I asked curiously, sauntering over to him. 揝houldn抰 you guard me until our wedding night so I stay untouched??
揌ell no,?Clifford exclaimed, looking honestly put off. 揥aiting until marriage, where抯 the fun??He scanned me once more, lingering on my long legs. Today I抎 picked an outfit I had designed myself and then let one of our maids who was a talented seamstress sew it for me. It was a cutesy blazer with flowy gossamer sleeves and a narrow waist with a silk bow and matching shorts that looked like a skirt. My legs looked particularly long in it and my high white heels only helped.
揂hh, you want to sample the goods in advance.?
揑 want to sample plenty of goods, believe me, not just yours.?
My eyebrows shot up. 揝o you won抰 even pretend to be faithful??
Clifford got serious. 揕isten, Anna, I know you抮e from a conservative background, but I have no intention of settling down with one girl right now and I definitely won抰 stay celibate until we marry. As far as I抦 concerned, we have a pre-contract but the real contract won抰 get into effect until our wedding day. From that day on we can be faithful if that抯 what you want but until then we抮e not a couple and I抣l sleep around.?
I hadn抰 expected Clifford to be this direct. I liked it, just not what he proposed. Even if I wasn抰 jealous, that didn抰 mean I wanted to be insulted by constant sleeping around.
He must have seen my fury because he quickly went on, 揧ou抮e free to do the same of course.?
My lips parted in shock. 揧ou want me to sleep with other men??
He laughed. 揥ell, I wouldn抰 put it like that, but I don抰 care what you do until we抮e married as long as you are discreet and keep it out of the tabloids. I don抰 want to give my mother more reason to eat her pills like skittles.?
I could tell he regretted his words the second they left his lips. Pill abuse was definitely a secret worth filing away for later use.
揧ou really won抰 feel cheated if I抦 not a virgin on our first night together??I asked, suspicious of his motives. Maybe he was trying to lure me into a trap and test my virtue. Maybe his words about his mother taking too many pills was also false and a way to make me lower my guards.
Clifford shook his head, looking mildly nauseated. 揑抣l be blunt. I抣l be glad if you aren抰。 I抦 not in the business of deflowering girls. I抦 not into blood play. No sex during periods and no virgins, which is basically the same.?
I burst out laughing. I fumbled in the pocket of my skirt, which was discreetly hidden in the big elegant pleats, for a cigarette. 揗ay I? Or do you want me to go outside??
Shock crossed Clifford抯 face. 揧ou smoke??
I shrugged. 揝ometimes. When I抦 stressed, mostly.?
揑 stress you out??
揧ou caught me by surprise. I thought you抎 be different.?
揗any people do,?he said cryptically, then motioned at my cigarette. 揋o ahead.?He pulled a packet from a drawer and lit a cigarette for himself.
After he blew out smoke, he said, 揑抦 not a virgin, by the way.?
揑 didn抰 ask,?I said with a laugh. 揃ut thanks for the info.?
I wasn抰 even curious when he抎 lost it or to whom, but it made me want to ask Santino about his first time. I couldn抰 imagine Santino as a fumbling virgin.
Clifford regarded me closely. 揂nd if you are a virgin, then have some fun. Just make sure you don抰 leave me at the altar. A scandal抯 rarely a good start to a political career.?
揂mbitious.?
揂bsolutely.?
I nodded. 揟hat抯 good. I want a man who knows what he wants.?
揑 do. I want to be president one day, that抯 all I care about.?
I tried to see myself at Clifford抯 side in a few years, being the doting politician抯 wife. It would be a life full of duties and few freedoms, but that would have been my fate in any marriage.
The Christmas party was in full swing. Music floated through the room, some upbeat jazz that had everyone over thirty swaying back and forth as if it was a disco tune. For some reason everyone thought jazz was the perfect music for a party. This being my fifth Christmas party of the season, and it was only the beginning of December, I couldn抰 stand it anymore. Today it was the Christmas party of the Alferas, one of Dad抯 captains who handled our drug deliveries to Canada. I was one of the few guests under eighteen, and neither Sofia nor Luisa were invited. As the Capo抯 daughter, I always had to be at social events, no matter how much of a bore they turned out to be. All the girls who envied me for being at so many parties throughout the year had never suffered through an endless string of awkward jokes and horrid music.