Sofia and I went to brunch in my favorite place where they served the best Belgian waffles. Of course, Santino drove us there so the ride to the restaurant passed in silence, except for the occasional professional interaction between Santino and Sofia抯 bodyguard who sat shotgun.
Santino was clever enough to give us some room and settled far from our table next to the entrance of the bistro.
I nipped at my black coffee and picked at my fruit salad. Next week I抎 go wedding dress shopping, so I didn抰 want to risk gaining weight. Not to mention that I rarely felt very hungry anymore. The stress with Santino and the upcoming wedding were taking their toll.
Sofia watched me over her waffles then slanted a quick look at Santino who sat at a table with her bodyguard across the room to give us privacy.
揇o you really think you can go through with the wedding??
Every day I was a little less sure I could, but we were only five months away from the wedding. The location was booked, the invitations had been sent out, catering was booked, even the flowers, cake, and decorations. The only thing missing was my wedding dress, which I抎 avoided shopping for so far.
Canceling the wedding now would cause a major backlash. The Clarks would be majorly offended and possibly take it out on the Outfit. Even if their options for revenge were limited, I didn抰 want to cause my family or the Outfit any problems. Not to mention that Santino and I would have to admit to our relationship. Dad and Mom would be very displeased to say the very least.
Sofia sighed. 揟hat抯 too long a pause, Anna.?
揑 have to. I can抰 back out now. Clifford isn抰 bad. He抯 good-looking, intelligent, driven. Those are all good qualities I抣l appreciate in a marriage.?
揗aybe. Or maybe you抣l resent him because he cost you the love of your life.?
I rolled my eyes. 揟hat抯 a bit melodramatic. I never said I was in love with Santino. We slept together these last three years but we aren抰 in a real relationship.?Then I shrugged. 揗aybe Clifford will divorce me after a few years, then I抦 free.?
揑 doubt he抣l risk his career by having a divorce early on, and entering a marriage and hoping for a quick divorce is not a good option. And Santino will probably be married by then as well.?
The thought of Santino marrying someone cut me. Of course, I wanted him to be happy but losing him to another woman was incredibly painful. Still, I couldn抰 keep holding him back. That wouldn抰 be fair toward him.
Sofia sighed. 揟hink about it. Don抰 rush into things because of a wrong understanding of duty. Your parents would understand.?
I raised an eyebrow. 揧ou really think my parents would be understanding when I told them Santino and I have been getting it on for years behind their backs??
Sofia let out a choked laugh. 揟hey抣l probably be a bit angry, especially toward Santino.?
揑抦 not sure I want to risk it all. Who says Santino and I would even be happy if we could be together? There抯 no guarantee. It would be selfish of me to risk a huge scandal for the small chance that Santino and I are meant to be.?
Sofia shrugged, still not convinced. 揗aybe then your feelings for him really aren抰 strong enough and it抯 for the best if you give him the chance to move on, so you too can move on with Clifford.?
Santino stayed in the car in front of the store when I went to my first appointment in the bridal store with Mom, Sofia, and Luisa. Only Sofia抯 bodyguard joined us inside because Danilo was always particularly vigilant.
揑 thought you抎 design your own dress,?Sofia said when I browsed through the dresses on display.
I抎 always thought so too, but for some reason, I couldn抰 bring myself to do it. I didn抰 feel inspired in the slightest.
Mom joined me and motioned at a beautiful classic dress with lace. 揑 think you抎 look beautiful in this.?
It was actually one of my favorites from the dresses I抎 seen so far.
揑抣l try it on.?
Thirty minutes later we emerged from the bridal store, and I抎 chosen the dress Mom had suggested. It was beautiful, elegant, and made me feel beautiful.
The vendor had asked me 揑f I felt the dress.?
I wasn抰 sure what she meant. It was pretty and would make people admire me. But was I overwhelmed by feelings when I put it on?
No. Not that I抎 expected it. This wedding wasn抰 about emotions, and I抎 long given up hope that it could be.
Santino and I never talked about the wedding gown or the wedding. Since our last argument, we抎 ignored the matter altogether, but even our sexual encounters had become few and far between. This felt like a drawn-out break-up that was hurting us both.
I went to my last appointment in the store alone. This was my second to last fitting, and I just didn抰 feel like sharing it with Mom or anyone else. I hated when everyone looked at my face and expected to see something that wouldn抰 be there.