揂nd it still worked out.?
揑t did,?Dad agreed quietly. His eyes searched mine before he asked. 揜eady??
I nodded quickly before my courage could leave me.
Dad held out his arm and we headed toward the wide double doors. The moment we stepped through them, I held my head high and smiled coolly. The nervousness I抎 expected didn抰 come. No jittery or fluttering belly. I was calm, almost eerily so. I felt detached, as if it wasn抰 me about to marry.
Surprise flashed on many people抯 face at my choice of dress. It wasn抰 the classic piece many had expected. Mrs. Clark looked positively offended as if a skirt-line ending above the knee might as well end the world.
I got a strange kick out of it.
Clifford looked posh in his dark suit and smiled mildly. It was impossible to gauge his feelings regarding the dress. He抎 not only grown into his tall frame and wasn抰 as lanky anymore, he抎 also learned to mask his emotions. He wasn抰 the quirky boy anymore, but he wasn抰 Santino. My eyes searched the church quickly as if Santino might have miraculously woken from his coma and come here. And for what, really? He抎 hate every moment of the ceremony and I抎 wish every second of it that he抎 stop the damn thing.
I shoved those thoughts aside and turned my focus on Clifford when I arrived at the front and Dad handed me over to him. Clifford lightly closed his hand around mine. It felt softer than Santino, not roughened by years of weight training and gun handling. And his touch was unfamiliar. I couldn抰 help but wonder how it would be tonight but the thought of actually being intimate with me let me panic briefly and so I shoved it aside as well.
揧ou look beautiful,?Clifford said appreciatively.
揟hank you. You look good in your suit.?
We turned toward the priest, and I tried to shake off the uncomfortable feeling our short exchange had given me. This kind of public pleasantness might very well be the way we抎 interact in private too. Maybe I could stand it for a year or two, but eventually I抎 explode. I had a temperament that simply couldn抰 always be tamed. A fact Santino loved about me.
Clifford glanced my way and I smiled quickly.
Bea carried the cushion with the rings toward us, looking absolutely adorable with her blonde hair in French braids, and in a cute mint-colored dress. The priest fixed me with his old eyes and motioned at the cushion. I picked up the ring.
When Clifford said yes, loud and clear, I tensed, realizing it would be my turn next. I pushed the ring on his finger and cold settled in my bones. I avoided his eyes, not sure I could keep up the lie.
It was my turn and I watched with trepidation as Clifford picked up my ring from the cushion.
The priest nodded then fixed me with his gaze again.
揥ill you Anna Cavallaro take Clifford Maximo Clark to be your lawfully wedded husband??
Clifford gave me a smile. It was nice. He was nice. He was also ambitious and intelligent. He was everything I should want. I swallowed. I should say yes.
I glanced at my parents. I loved them so much. I wanted to make them proud, but I also needed to follow my heart. Dad抯 expression shifted as if he could see something on my face.
God. This would be the scandal of the year.
But Mom抯 eyes anchored me. They were full of understanding. They gave me permission to follow my heart before it was too late.
And then another thought rushed through my head. What if Santino didn抰 want me anymore? I抎 led him around for so long?
And what if he never woke?
It didn抰 matter. I didn抰 love Clifford, and I never would. I couldn抰 live a life like that.
The priest repeated his question, a hint of impatience tinging his words.
I opened my mouth. 揘o.?
揝he won抰，？Mom said at the same time, her clear voice echoing in the church.
Silence reigned in church. Everyone stared at me and Mom.
I couldn抰 believe Mom would have stopped the wedding if I hadn抰 said no. Or maybe she抎 seen on my face that I was about to say no and wanted to show her support.
A boulder seemed to fall off my shoulders and I couldn抰 help but smile, for the first time today, in earnest.
Then my eyes met Clifford抯 and guilt crushed down on me. He still held the wedding ring but slowly lowered his hand and then dropped it to his side, balling his hand to a fist.
揑抦 sorry, Clifford. So sorry. I should have said something sooner, but I really thought I could go through with marrying you.?
He smiled bitterly. 揧ou make it sound as if I抦 a punishment.?
揘o! That抯 not how I meant it but I抦 in love with someone else.?
揙f course. Santino.?
I swallowed. The shocked whispers were picking up around us.
揧ou don抰 have feelings for me, and I抦 sure it won抰 reflect badly on you that our wedding got canceled. I thought being left at the altar would look better in your CV than a divorce, especially with conservative voters,?I said with a teasing smile, but Clifford didn抰 smile. He looked dead serious and so did his parents.