Molly screwed her eyes shut, fighting back tears of relief, of devastated fury. Jake hadn’t overdosed. He’d ignored her for five days, but he was perfectly fucking fine.
“Are you kidding me, Jake? Do you have any idea what I’ve been … what the hell?”
“Molly, it was out of my control—”
“Out of your control? You could’ve found an adapter. You could’ve borrowed a phone. You could have emailed. There’s literally an endless number of things you could’ve done that you didn’t do.” How could she explain to him how terrible this feigned helplessness of his made her feel? A line that Veronica used in her classes popped into her head: We accept the love we think we deserve.
Was this the love she thought she deserved? A partner who was reliable and attentive some of the time, but not when he didn’t feel like it? A man who heedlessly put his needs and dreams and desires before her own, time and time again? That was the problem with her love for Jake, Molly realized. Her feelings for him were so sheer and annihilating that she couldn’t see him clearly at all.
“I’m so sorry, Moll. I just—it’s been so insanely busy over here, I feel like I haven’t had a minute to breathe.” He paused, and Molly heard the sound of a keyboard clicking. “Check your email. I just forwarded you everything. You fly out of JFK tomorrow at ten thirty. American Airlines.”
“I’m not coming, Jake.” She hadn’t meant to say it, but as soon as the words left her mouth, she knew they were true. She couldn’t get on that plane.
“What?”
“I’m not coming.”
“Molly, don’t do this.”
“Me, Jake? You’re the one who did this. I can’t be in a relationship that’s completely on your terms.”
“On my terms? What does that even mean? I fucked up, and I’m really sorry. But don’t let this ruin the next two weeks for both of us. Please. Just get on the plane. Come to Munich, and we’ll figure everything out.”
“No.” Molly shook her head into the phone. She closed her eyes, hot tears slipping through. They streamed down her cheeks.
“Think about Christmas in Paris,” he pressed, his voice weak, pleading. “The Eiffel Tower, dinner in Montmartre, the Louvre. We said we’d see it all together.”
“Jake, I haven’t heard from you in almost a week. I’ve been desperately trying to contact you. Saturday night—” Molly’s breath caught in her throat. There was a crack in her heart, but she couldn’t say the words. What was the point in telling him? She knew, in her gut, the only way forward.
“What? What happened?”
She brushed it off. “It’s nothing. I got really drunk at Nina’s party. I was hungover and anxious on Sunday, and I kept trying to reach you.”
“I’m so sorry. Look, I know I messed up, but please just cut me a break. You know me, you know I’m bad with my phone, especially on tour—”
“Just stop, Jake. Stop saying you’re ‘bad with your phone,’ like that’s an excuse for making me feel so shitty. I was seriously worried. I was freaking out. Did you ever stop to think that I was actually terrified something might’ve happened to you?”
“Like what, though? Don’t you get that it’s just chaos over here? That we’re all swamped?”
Molly swallowed the lump in her throat. She was brimming with anger. “I know Maxine is there.” She couldn’t help herself.
“Yeah, because I told you Maxine is here. I never tried to hide that. And there’s nothing going on between Maxine and me, so it really doesn’t fucking matter!”
“But how do I know that for sure when I can’t even get in touch with you?”
“I dunno, Moll, it’s a little thing called trust? Last time I checked, a relationship doesn’t work without it.”
“Don’t you dare be sarcastic right now, Jake. A relationship doesn’t work without communication, either, but you’ve been more than willing to throw that right out the window. And you’re delusional if you think there’s a healthy amount of trust here, especially when you’re impossible to reach on the phone!”
“But you know I’m shit with my phone!”
“So what? I just have to accept the fact that when you’re out of town, I may or may not hear from you? How many times can we have this same fucking fight, Jake? You can’t just drop off the face of the earth when you feel like it!” Molly was yelling now, the anger rising like a tide inside her chest. “How do you not realize how selfish that is?”