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Can't Look Away(70)

Author:Carola Lovering

“What did he say?” Nina presses.

“I didn’t pick up.”

“Voicemail?”

“Nope. And now I’m spiraling. I can’t stop thinking about him, Nina.”

“Have you seen him? Since the fireworks?”

“No. Sabrina invited us over for dinner again last weekend, but I made something up to get out of it. I’ve seen her—we get together pretty regularly now, I mean, we’re genuinely friends—but I just … I think I need to avoid Jake. It feels dangerous or something.” Molly pauses. “Hence the reason I didn’t call him back and called you instead.”

“Oh, Moll.” Nina sighs. “I can’t imagine. Plus, Sabrina thinks you guys barely dated, and it’s not like you can correct her.”

“Exactly.” Molly nods into the phone, appreciating how Nina just gets it. “That would open a very awkward can of worms.”

“Right. And you certainly can’t vent to Hunter.”

“No way. Hunt will barely acknowledge what’s going on.”

“Classic guy behavior.”

“I just…” Molly sighs. “I feel like I’m alone on an island.”

“Well, I’m always here.”

“I know you are.” Molly feels a stitch of affection for her best friend. “And I love you for it.”

“Wait, I’m such an asshole. I didn’t even ask how the transfer went yesterday. How are you feeling?”

“Oh, you are the furthest thing from an asshole. I feel okay. Just kind of exhausted, honestly.” Molly appreciates that Nina has become so familiar with the IVF process on her behalf. “I’m not getting my hopes up with this one, Neens. I try to be optimistic around Hunt, but you know this is our last embryo, and to be honest, if it fails, I’m not sure I can do it all again.”

“Physically or emotionally?”

“Both. Not to mention financially. But starting all over again, another egg retrieval? The testing, the hormones, the shots, the anxiety? It’s overwhelming and kind of all-consuming. Sometimes I worry it’s taking over my identity. Like I’ve forgotten who I am outside of it.”

Nina is quiet for a moment. “Maybe that’s why this stuff with Jake is getting under your skin,” she says. “Maybe being around him again is connecting you with that part of yourself you feel like you’ve lost. It doesn’t mean you still love him or that you don’t love Hunter.”

Tears spring to Molly’s eyes. A beat of silence passes before she speaks.

“That’s exactly what I needed to hear, Neens. You’re so wise.”

“Tell that to my boss. And tell her to give me a raise along with the title promotion.” Nina exhales, and Molly hears the clicking sound of the keyboard. “Shoot, I gotta run. I have a call in two.”

“Okay. Thanks for chatting. Tell Michael I said hi.”

“Same to Hunt. And give my goddaughter a kiss for me. I can’t believe she’s about to be six. I’ll see you both on the very important occasion of August twentieth. Frozen pi?ata in hand.”

“Do not even think about forgetting that Frozen pi?ata.” Molly laughs. “Best godmama ever.”

After they hang up, Molly pours herself a second cup of coffee—she’s drinking decaf since the embryo transfer—and brings it out back to the patio. Their lot is small—not even a quarter of an acre—and she looks out at the manicured square of grass that Hunter takes pride in mowing himself. It’s nothing compared to Sabrina and Jake’s expansive, rolling lawn with its pool and pristine landscaping, but it still feels like an oasis after years of city living.

Molly sips her decaf and thinks about Nina, who is juggling wedding planning and new responsibilities at work. Nina waited a long time to find Michael, and Molly was so happy when they got engaged. But selfishly, it was more than that—she realizes how comforting it is to have their paths aligning. Marriage is something you don’t understand until you’re in it, Molly thinks. A circle, for lack of a better word. Everly gets it—she and Sage tied the knot last fall—but Nina is her very closest friend, and it’ll be nice to have her on the inside.

Molly’s mind drifts to Liz, then—God knows what’s become of Liz. The last she heard from Everly, Liz was dating a fortysomething divorcé—some gazillionaire with a private jet whom she met through work. Molly still feels sad when she thinks about their friendship and how quickly it deteriorated. Right when she needed Liz the most.

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