Earlier, Maya asked me to join her with setting up a game for Liam and Jax to play during a vlog. I drag my feet toward the McCoy garage, grumbling under my breath.
“What made you so grumpy?” Maya fumbles with her camera settings while we wait for the guys. McCoy’s pit crew works around us, busying themselves with pre-race prep, while we wait outside the garage.
“Nothing. Just tired and didn’t sleep well last night.”
Probably because Liam’s dick of an agent took away my sense of control over my relationship. If I can even call it that, seeing as Liam is struggling between kicking me to the curb and keeping me.
“I’m not used to seeing you this out of it. Hopefully, you can get a good night’s rest before the race. Maybe with Liam?” She sends me a sly grin that doesn’t take away the empty feeling inside of me.
“I think I’m going to chill without my personal body pillow for a few days.” I need air and time to think. Hanging around Liam makes me weak. Part of me wants to ask him about what his agent said while another part of me doesn’t because I’m afraid of his answer.
“Any reason?”
Before I have a chance to respond, Liam and Jax make their presence known in the McCoy garage.
“If it isn’t our two favorite ladies.” Liam brushes a loose strand of hair from my face before planting a kiss on my temple. “You didn’t show up last night after the gala. You’re not quitting on me, right?” he whispers into my ear.
I turn to find his eyes sparkling. “Nope. I wasn’t feeling well and wanted to go to bed early. No reason to hang out if we aren’t…you know…”
His smile drops. “That’s bullshit. You know we spend time together without fucking. Don’t sell me a fake excuse when we’re friends first and foremost.”
Ah, there’s that word again. “Well, okay…”
He eyes me before stepping away, giving me room to breathe again.
“Let’s get this show on the road. I have places to be, people to bang.” Jax claps his hands together.
“You know, beneath that rough exterior is a boy who cuddles with his pillow at night and dreams of a better tomorrow.” Liam holds his palm to his chest.
“The only future I think of is kicking your ass at every race.”
“Okay, you two. This is one of our last episodes before the end of the season.” Maya breaks up the jokes and gets to work.
Maya interviews the two of them while they play a game. I tune out their conversation because I have no interest in listening, only attending because Maya begged me to film the exchange. I ignore the weird looks Liam sends my way. His omission of his contract deal sits heavy between us, and I can’t handle how part of me feels grateful he didn’t say yes to McCoy right away.
Despite his inability to decide if he loves me, I still love him with everything inside of me. I’d do just about anything to help him be happy. It looks like I fell in love with someone untouchable and unbreakable, proving to me how shattered people like Liam can’t fall apart again.
Welcome to my disaster ever after. Pull up a chair, bust out the popcorn, and enjoy the show.
30
Liam
I never pegged myself as a thoughtful guy. At least not until Sophie, where we dance on the fine line between friendship and more, never fully submitting to the idea of lovers. With my past and her future, there’s no point in thinking about anything but the next two weeks.
Despite telling myself that, I can’t help but wonder what it would be like after the season. The idea of returning back to my empty Monaco apartment fills me with sorrow. For some reason, after all these months spending time with her, I don’t want her to go.
Is it selfish of me to want her to stay when I’m not willing to commit to a relationship? Of course. So I bottle up my bubbling anxiety and put it on a shelf, instead choosing to make her final item memorable. The last thing on her list—the very one that reminds me of her—took some planning. I spent hours researching because Sophie rubs off on me in more than one way.
I rented an off-roading truck yesterday to prepare for our trip tonight. She has no idea what I planned, thinking I’m taking her to dinner in Abu Dhabi. Sophie seemed distant this week so I wanted to cheer her up. She barely hung around me, choosing to spend time with Maya and her dad instead of me. Every time I asked her if anything was wrong, she shrugged me off, claiming she wants to spend time with everyone before she leaves.
I can’t help wondering if she doesn’t want to share her nervousness about what will happen after the season ends. I plan on spilling everything to her once the race finishes on Sunday because McCoy promised a final offer by then, with them agreeing to rethink the Bandini clause at my insistence.