“Why do you think that?” I let out a deep exhale.
“Because you live a lie while pushing others away. I sure as hell would hate to be you, pretending to be someone I’m not, hiding in plain sight while living an empty life. I embrace my pain while you stuff yours away. Vulnerability isn’t a weakness, it’s a strength amongst those who are too scared to live. I’m done living in fear, and you should be too. It’s time to let go for your mental sanity and your future. Johanna’s not coming back, no matter how hard you try to hold on to her memory. She would punch you if she could, knowing you’re using her as some excuse to stop living your life to the fullest. She’d be pissed as fuck about you denying yourself love because of some messed-up fear you have of ending up like me. And most of all, she’d be mad at you for abandoning me when I could have used my brother and my best friend.”
My eyes dart to the side, focusing on the textured wall instead of my brother’s intense gaze. Wetness gathers in my eyes. “I let you down, and I’m sorry. I was a shit brother, disappearing because the pain was too much. I despised how much it hurt to look at Kaia and not think of Johanna. I hated the way it made me feel. Guilty, disgusted, hurt. And I can’t stand myself for doing that to you. I’m really fucking sorry.” My voice cracks.
“I forgive you. But the way you can help me forget is by not making some shitty mistake because you’re afraid. I’ll give you one last piece of my mind, for old time’s sake.” He shoots me a weak smile. “Don’t be an idiot. Get the girl because those who have an issue with it shouldn’t be the same ones you trust while driving a car at three hundred kilometers per hour. If I could have one last day with Johanna, I would in a heartbeat, despite knowing when she leaves, I would break again. If you don’t feel that way about Sophie, then let her go for good. But I have a feeling you’re coming to your own realizations about her. So, by all means, pick the contract or pick her. But when you do, please ask yourself: if you let her go, can you look yourself in the mirror in your McCoy race suit without flinching? If so, then you really never loved her to begin with.”
And with that, my brother shines a light on my darkest secrets, highlighting the lies I kept hidden from the world. But most importantly, while banishing the darkness, he sparks something inside of me I hadn’t realized I was missing.
Hope.
33
Sophie
I only agreed to attend a Bandini sponsor event because my dad forced me earlier. He rejected my request to book a flight back home early, claiming no daughter of his will miss the Championship after all this time.
We sit together at an empty table in a dark corner. I shove my food around my plate while my dad stares at me, his watchful eyes narrowing at me after my fork clatters against the fancy plate for the third time this evening.
“What’s wrong with you? You love pasta.”
I lift a shoulder in a half-assed shrug. “I’m not hungry. Just not feeling well today.”
“You said the same thing yesterday and the day before. Ever since you had a sleepover at Maya’s.” His pointed stare does nothing to me. “You know, being full of bullshit isn’t a sickness. It’s an allergic reaction to not sharing your feelings.”
Oh, Dad. So perceptive.
“Catch flights, not feelings.” Do I make sense anymore? The jury’s still out.
I take a sip of wine. My dad grabs the glass once I put it down, holding it hostage. My lip juts out while my eyes plead for him to let go of the subject.
“This has to do with that boy. I refuse to let you whimper around like a kicked dog when I raised you better than this.” Ouch. “Either you tell me what happened, or I’ll go talk to him. Don’t put it past me, Sophie Marie Mitchell.”
Under no circumstance do I want him to go talk to Liam, so I give in to protect us both.
“I ended up falling for Liam.” Those six words take every ounce of courage from me.
“So what? Everyone knows that.”
My head snaps from my plate to my dad’s face. “What do you mean?”
Either I’m about as transparent as the wine glass he holds, or my dad really is some undercover Interpol agent.
“You’re my daughter. Whenever you look at Liam, you get this look in your eye that I’ve never seen before. Not even when you check out pasta. It’s obvious how you feel about him. And he looks at you similarly.”
“How are you so nonchalant about this?”
“What do you expect me to do? Yell at you? You’re twenty-two now.”