A few hours later, Sophie and I lie on a blanket in some empty park near Montreal, our sides pressed together with a couple of pillows I stole from my hotel propping our heads up. It’s quite the setup, coming off unintentionally romantic.
I no longer think drunk Sophie is the funniest one to see. She’s high as a kite, giggling at nothing. Earlier while purchasing the goods, she promised this was the first and last time she’d ever do it. She wants to see what the hype is about and I’m happy to deliver it under my supervision. Plus, I get to reap the benefits of her without reservations.
“This list is such a dumb idea, right?” She turns her head toward me. The moonlight shines off her face, her bright smile beaming at me.
I could be out doing something with Jax, but instead, I’m content hanging out with Sophie under the stars. Her and her fucking stars. She tells me how she loves to sit outside and differentiate the bright ones from planes in the sky like Galileo or some shit. Every time I get one wrong, she laughs, and fuck if I don’t love the sound of it. I like her laugh so damn much I purposefully confused the little dipper with Orion’s belt. That blunder got me a giggle I felt straight to my cock.
Somewhere between the first and second months of the F1 season, she became one of my good friends despite my physical attraction to her. I’m shocked we lasted this long without sex. Sophie denies our chemistry while I’ve had enough opportunities to make a move or ten.
She taps my hand, bringing me back into the conversation. Her light touch makes my body hum with desire.
Right, the list. “Nah, it’s not. You want to live a little and have a good time. There’s nothing wrong with that.”
She sighs. “I know. My dad is tough, though. I love him. But he’s focused on making sure I’m nothing like my mom with all these rules and five-year plans. And I’ve tried everything to avoid being like her too. So, I’m stuck in this bad cycle of wanting to be perfect while missing out on life.”
My chest tightens at her admission, connecting with her more than she knows. “It sucks when we let everyone’s expectations for us rule our lives. I’m dealing with that shit and it sucks. What’s your mom like?”
She fidgets, trying to get comfortable. Her body curves into mine as she lays her head against my chest. Darkness hides my surprise. I wrap my arm around her, keeping my body loose. No way in hell do I want to discourage her sudden display of closeness. Even though I haven’t held her like this, it feels right, and it scares the living shit out of me. I hate being scared. Fucking despise feeling out of control, like I can’t get a handle on the swirling shitstorm brewing in my chest whenever I get near Sophie.
“She’s probably also high right now, hanging out in some jungle in Africa while saving the world.” She giggles, the movement vibrating against my chest. “She left us when I was a baby, claiming she didn’t want to be a mom. She’d rather go off and be a fake mom for all the kids in poor towns. I know I sound jealous and I feel terrible about it. It’s so selfish of me to be envious of kids who have nothing, but I am because she dumped me. My parents were never married, so her leaving wasn’t an issue in that sense. It was a clean break.”
No matter how easy a break, the idea of a mom abandoning their child hurts. The sadness in her voice makes my chest ache.
My fingers run through her hair to ease her discomfort. “You’re not selfish for wanting to have a mom who cares for you. I’m sorry to hear that she left. I can’t imagine how hard it is to grow up without a mom around.”
Her shitty mom reminds me of how I should call mine when I have a chance. I may be a dick at times by ignoring my brother’s calls, but my mom isn’t someone I actively avoid.
“Yeah, there’re some things you need a mom for. So my dad was stuck filling both roles, making sure I didn’t get into trouble. At least as much as he could with the F1 lifestyle of constant traveling. I’ll never forget the time I got my first period.” She groans, hiding her face in my chest.
“What happened?” Her comment makes me wonder about a young Sophie during those times, like when she had her first kiss or her first crush. My mind starts to drift off to other firsts before I snap out of it.
“I asked him for pads. He came back from the local store with adult diapers.”
“What did you end up doing?” I fight a laugh.
“He took me with him after I slammed my bedroom door in his face. I cried in the pharmacy as we picked out the right stuff, becoming a blubbering mess while my dad paced the aisle and googled info. He bought me every candy bar to make up for it and pretty much offered anything to get me to stop. I was so emotional about not having my mom around to help me and I felt so embarrassed with my dad. But I’ve never seen him that uncomfortable. Can you imagine? Adult diapers. There was even a picture of a grandma on them. I had no clue what he was thinking. Those are the types of moments I wish I could call my mom and ask her about stuff.” She shakes her head, giving me a fresh inhale of her shampoo.