My fingers twitch, and before I know what I’m doing, I swipe my dirty hands all over the clean sheet. Marking it, smudging it, making it flawed.
It’s everything I want to be while being everything I fear becoming.
When we go to pack up the blanket, I give Liam another hug. “Thank you for believing in me and reminding me of something I thought was long forgotten. I can’t express what that means to me.” My throat closes up.
He says nothing because he doesn’t need to. The way his arms tighten around me and the kiss he leaves on the top of my head say everything.
18
Sophie
The summer break left as quickly as it came. I spent a whole month without F1 activities, drama, and friends. Liam kept himself busy with sucking up to McCoy while I checked in with school. After multiple ripped up pros and cons lists, I decided to continue my course work through the fall semester since I’ve already committed three years of my life to stupid numbers and a lack of fulfillment. My dad takes the news of online classes well. He buys into my reason of wanting to expose myself to different countries while studying.
Call me cultured AF.
This semester includes classes on business law and accounting information systems. I can’t wait to hit the snooze button on my life for another year because my degree sounds less appealing by the week.
I passed the time during the summer break drawing in the sketchbook Liam bought me, chipping away at my fears while telling stories through pictures. The whole process inspired me to grow a pair and live a little.
Over the break, I decided I need to work harder to achieve the Fuck It List items because it’s part of my mission. I have my work cut out for me with a total of eight items crossed off and thirteen more to go.
Lately my plans haven’t exactly been working out how I like, and although I wish I could blame Liam, I can’t. I like his teasing and pushing my limits. Time didn’t help eliminate those feelings, especially when he called me during his free time or facetimed me some nights. We never went a day without a text or phone call.
The idea of us unnerves me, so I thrust myself into helping Maya stay away from Noah. It’s an evasion tactic with less than altruistic motives.
Did I travel to Spain to visit Maya? Yes.
Did I also visit her because I wanted to create a game plan where we both can forget about the two men who invade our thoughts? Hell freaking yes.
We travel together to the next stop in the Prix. After a month-long break, everyone returns, ready to get back in the swing of things. The first post-summer break Prix stop was too hectic for me to see Liam or the other guys, with them having mid-season tests and endless meetings.
During the next Grand Prix weekend in Milan, I plan a double date for Maya. I personally can’t resist a date with a promise for pasta. Our dates are two McCoy engineers named Daniel and John who choose a swanky restaurant in the heart of the city.
Despite their best efforts, the evening turns out to be a bust for Maya, probably because Noah found her and defiled her in some backlit corner of the restaurant. Guilt from her actions settles right next to my pasta dinner. My shame forces me to agree to another date with my guy, John. I’m not thrilled, but at least he seems like a potential match to knock off a few of my items.
That’s how, a day later, I end up standing around the McCoy motorhome waiting for John. A lunch date comes off slightly friendshippy. Since John has limited availability before the race tomorrow, he wanted to take advantage of his free time.
I smell Liam before I hear him.
“Look who finally came to visit me after a month apart. I feel honored.” Liam pulls me in for a hug, his arms tightening as he holds on to me.
“Says the guy who’s been too busy to do anything.” I catch my breath once he lets me go.
“What are you doing here in the opposing camp? Trying to wage war?” His goofy smile makes my chest tighten.
I smile at his disheveled blonde hair, the sweaty strands peeking out from under his backward ball cap. It gives him a boyish look I like a lot. His cheeks remain flushed from the high temperatures of his car. He did a great job today during his qualifying round, landing the coveted pole position.
“I’m trying to understand the enemy while plotting my takeover. It all starts with you, in case you weren’t already aware.”
His smile grows larger, and I wish I had Maya’s camera to snap a picture of it. “I knew there was something about you that would destroy me.”
“Hmm. Well at least you face your demise head-on. How bold. I tried to warn you about how I plot because I’m the worst kind of control freak.” I rub my hands together and cackle like an evil genius.