Nick: would it be ok if i called you on the phone
Nick: ive been drinking and the effort of typing is killing me me: oh you’re drunk, is that why you’re being nice Nick: i think john keats had a name for women like you Nick: a french name
Nick: you see where i’m going with this
me: please call
He called me. He didn’t really sound drunk on the phone, he sounded sleepy in a nice way. We said again that we missed one another. I held the cup of peppermint tea in my fingers, feeling it get cool. Nick apologised again about the phone call the other night. I’m a bad person, he said. I told him not to say that. No, I’m bad, he said. I’m a bad guy. He told me about what they’d been up to in étables, about the weather, and some castle they went to visit. I told him about my internship finishing up, and he said I had never seemed invested in it anyway. Maybe I was distracted by drama in my personal life, I said.
Oh yeah, I meant to ask, he said. How are things with you and Bobbi? That wasn’t the best way for her to find out about us I guess.
Yeah, it’s been awkward. It’s kind of bothering me.
This is the first relationship you’ve been in since you two were together, isn’t it?
I guess so, I said. Do you think that’s why it’s weird?
Well, you didn’t really seem to separate that much after you broke up. In the sense that you still spend all your time together.
She was the one who broke up with me.
Nick paused, and when he spoke he sounded like he was smiling curiously. Yes, I know that, he said. Is it relevant?
I rolled my eyes, but I was enjoying him. I put down the cup of tea on the table. Oh I see, I said. I see why you’re calling me, okay.
What?
You want us to have phone sex.
He started laughing. This was the intended effect and I basked in it. He laughed a lot. I know, he said. Classic me. I wanted to tell him about the hospital then, because he was in such a nice mood with me, and he might say consoling things, but I knew it would make the conversation serious. I didn’t like cornering him into having serious conversations. By the way, he said, I saw a girl on the beach today who looked like you.
People are always saying someone looks like me, I said. And then when I see the person it’s always someone plain-looking and I have to pretend not to mind.
Oh, not this woman. This woman was very attractive.
You’re telling me about an attractive stranger you saw, how sweet.
She looked like you! he said. She was probably less hostile, though. Maybe I should have an affair with her instead.
I took a mouthful of tea and swallowed. I felt silly for not replying to his email for so long and grateful that he didn’t dwell on it or act hurt. I asked what he had been doing that day and he told me he was avoiding his parents’ calls and feeling guilty about it.
Is your dad as handsome as you are? I said.
Why, are you thinking about going there? He’s very right-wing. I would point out he’s also still married, but when has that stopped you before?
Oh, that’s nice. Now who’s hostile?
I’m sorry, he said. You’re so right, you should seduce my dad.
Do you think I’m his type?
Oh yeah. In the sense that you greatly resemble my mother, anyway.
I started to laugh. It was a sincere laugh but I still wanted to make sure he would hear it.
That’s a joke, said Nick. Are you laughing there, or weeping? You don’t resemble my mother.
Is your dad actually right-wing or was that a joke too?
Oh no, he’s a real wealth creator. Hates women. Absolutely detests the poor. So you can imagine he loves me, his camp actor son.
I was really laughing then. You’re not camp, I said. You’re aggressively heterosexual. You even have a twenty-one-year-old mistress.
That I think my father would actually approve of. Happily he’ll never know.
I looked around the empty kitchen and said: I cleaned my room today in advance of you getting back from France.
Did you really? I love that. I think this actually counts as phone sex now.
Will you visit me?
After a pause he said: of course. I didn’t feel I had lost him exactly, but I knew he was thinking about something else. Then he said: you sounded really out of it on the phone the other night, were you drunk?
Let’s forget about it.
You’re just not a big person for phone calls usually. You weren’t upset or anything, were you?
I heard something in the background on Nick’s end of the line, and then a little crackling noise. Hello? he called out. A door opened and then I heard Melissa’s voice say: oh, you’re on the phone. Nick said: yeah, give me one second. The door closed again. I said nothing.