Turns out, at the moment, she’s not interested in talking at all. So I sit in the leather chair for almost an hour, watching as she puts the finishing touches on a vampire hat I have absolutely no interest in wearing.
Finally, when she’s done, she ties off the yarn and puts everything beside her on the couch. “Thirsty?” she asks, nodding toward the bar in the corner.
I am, but a flashback to the humans draining right outside this room has me shaking my head. “No, thanks.”
“Suit yourself.” She gives a delicate little shrug as she stands up. “Well, come on, then. Let’s take a walk.”
I stand and follow her toward a second archway near the back of the room. The moment we pass through, the icy floor and walls of what I vaguely remember as my training room transform into a summer meadow, complete with wildflowers and the sun beating down warmly upon us.
“So,” she says after we’ve walked several minutes in silence. “Are you going to tell me what’s bothering you?”
“I’m pretty sure you already know.”
She makes an affirmative sound, along with a face that says, Maybe I do. But she doesn’t volunteer any information.
“How are you?” I ask after a few seconds. “I’m sorry I haven’t been by in a while.”
She waves a hand. “Oh, child, nothing to worry about on that front. You’ve had bigger fish to fry.”
I think of Hudson and my mother and the nightmare of keeping the different factions from dissolving into civil war. “Yeah, I guess you could say that.”
“I am saying it.” She reaches up, rests a hand on my shoulder. “I’m proud of you, my boy.”
It’s the last thing I expect her to say. An unexpected lump blooms in my throat in response, tightening up my vocal cords until I have to clear my throat several times before I can speak. “That makes one of us.”
“Don’t do that.” The hand on my shoulder goes from comforting to slapping the back of my head from one instant to the next. “You’ve done more for this race than anyone in the last thousand years. Be proud of that. And be proud of the fact that you’ve found your mate.”
“So you do know why I’m here.”
“I know why you think you’re here.”
I look away, only to end up staring at a patch of wildflowers in a shade of bright pink that I will associate with Grace until I take my last breath. “How do I do it?” I ask, and the earlier tightness in my throat is nothing compared to how I feel now.
I can barely breathe.
“Take her as a mate?” Her brows go up.
“You know that’s not what I mean.” I clench my fists and pretend this conversation isn’t making me want to hit something…or throw up. Or both.
She sighs heavily. “There is a way.”
“Tell me.”
“Are you sure, Jaxon? Once you do it, there’s no coming back from it. You can’t just fix what’s been torn asunder.”
“I won’t want to fix it.” I grind the words out past clenched teeth.
“You don’t know that.” She waves a hand, and the meadow transforms into Grace’s dorm room. Grace is curled up in bed, reading something off her phone while Macy flits around her. She looks beautiful and fragile, and I want nothing more than to wrap my arms around her. Want nothing more than to protect her from everything…even if that everything includes me. Especially if it does.
“Finding your mate is a precious thing,” the Bloodletter continues. “Finding her so young is even more special. Why would you give that up if you don’t have to?”
“They’re already gunning for her. I don’t know why yet, but she’s a pawn in some plan they have to do God knows what. Overthrow the vampires? Bring about the civil war I’ve worked so hard to stop? Get revenge for what Hudson did? I don’t know. I just know that I can’t let her get hurt because of decisions I made that have nothing to do with her.”
I mean every word I’m saying, but that doesn’t make them hurt any less. I’ve never had anything that was mine in my whole life—my mother saw to that. Yet here Grace is, right in front of me. She’s meant to be mine. And still I can’t afford to reach for her. Not if it means risking something happening to her because of me.
“You know she’ll never be safe in this world. You know they’ll kill her just to make me suffer.”
The Bloodletter waves her hand, and once again, we’re walking in the meadow. I have to bite my lip to keep from begging her to bring Grace back, even as she answers, “I know they’ll try.”