CHAPTER TEN
TALON
What had I done? Why couldn’t I control my desire? What was it about her that got to me? I wasn’t used to wanting something. I never had to want women. They always just appeared, throwing themselves at me. I wasn’t stupid. I took them up on it most of the time. Why not? As long as I used a condom, I was safe.
Fuck!
I hadn’t used a condom with Jade.
Damn, how irresponsible was she? She didn’t know me from Adam. I could be carrying around all sorts of crap. I wasn’t, of course. If anyone practiced safe sex, it was me. After what I’d been through, I didn’t take any chances. I was damn lucky I hadn’t been infected a long time ago.
Now I’d have to talk to her. She was a smart girl. Definitely not stupid, that one, which didn’t make sense. Why hadn’t she insisted on a condom? She was probably on the pill or something— otherwise she would be worried about pregnancy. But what about disease? What had she been thinking? Did she have indiscriminant sex often? Should I be worried?
Goddamnit.
I pulled a T-shirt on and left the suite, walking quietly to the other side of the house to her room. I knocked. No response.
“Jade?” I knocked a little louder.
“Go away,” she said, her voice muffled.
“We need to talk,” I said.
A minute later, the door opened and she appeared, her eyes streaked with tears.
A brick hit me in the gut. What had I done? I flew into a rage, wanting to beat the shit out of anyone who made her cry.
And then it dawned on me.
I had made her cry.
“What do you want?” she asked.
“Can I come in? I need to talk to you.”
“Sure. Yeah, I agree. We should talk.” She opened the door wider, turned, walked back to her bed, and sat down.
I thought about sitting next to her on the bed, but I couldn’t be that close to her. I didn’t trust myself. So I grabbed an armchair from the corner and scooted it toward the bed.
“So what did you want to talk about?” She grabbed a tissue from her nightstand and blew her nose.
“Well…about last night…”
She nodded. “Yeah?”
“I want to apologize for…”
She arched her eyebrows.
“For not using a condom.”
Her eyes popped open into circles. “That’s what you want to apologize for?”
“Yeah. It was really irresponsible. And I want to make sure—”
“Let me guess,” she cut in. “You want to make sure I’m not harboring some disgusting disease that I might’ve infected you with.”
“Well, yeah…”
“Jesus Christ.” She shook her head.
“What did you think I wanted to talk about?”
“Oh, I don’t know. The fact that we just had sex, perhaps? The fact that you basically told me it meant nothing? The fact that I know that’s bullshit?”
“So you’re saying that safe sex isn’t important?”
“Oh, for God’s sake, Talon. Of course safe sex is important. You have nothing to fear from me. I have been monogamous the last seven years, and I’ve been on the pill for the last ten. You know I just ended a long relationship. I’m the one who should be concerned about you.”
“You certainly weren’t concerned last night, because you didn’t insist that I use a condom.”
She let out a huff. “Absolutely right. I got lost in the moment. It was stupid, and it was irresponsible. But I promise you, I do not have HIV. I do not have herpes. I do not have gonorrhea or syphilis or chlamydia. I do not have any other disgusting little mite growing down there.”
“All right.”
She was telling the truth. I knew it. Her face had turned pink, and more tears flooded her eyes.
I was a jerk.
“But since you’re so concerned,” she continued, “why don’t give me a rundown on your sexual history? I would bet it’s way more exciting than mine.”
My sexual history… She had no idea. But I was clean. I always used condoms, and I got tested for everything every six months, whether I’d been active or not. Maybe it was a little OCD, but I couldn’t help it. “I was last tested two months ago. I can show you the results if you’d like.”
“The results don’t mean jack shit if you had sex with someone other than me in the last two months.”
I had. A cocktail waitress had thrown herself at me in a bar in Grand Junction about a month ago.
But I’d used a condom that night, as well as the next night when I saw her again. Other than that, I hadn’t had any encounters since my last test. A little slow for me, but it wasn’t like I ever went out looking for it. They usually came to me, and as long as the woman didn’t look dirty, I allowed it. A man had needs, after all. I took what was offered.