“I’m not sure I even fainted. Probably just stumbled.”
“Talon—”
“Do we have to discuss this right now, Joe?” Talon darted his gaze toward me.
Jonah let out a heavy sigh. “Let’s just get you home. You need a good meal. And then you need a good night’s sleep. You’ve obviously been working too hard.”
“That’s right,” Talon said. “I’ve been working too hard. That’s all.”
Good save. But Talon wasn’t telling us everything. As much as I wanted to know what it was, and as much as I longed to help him get through whatever was torturing him, I could not.
I would be leaving—this evening if possible.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
TALON
“The last thing you need to do is leave, Tal. You have to work through this. We all do.”
I shook my head at Jonah. He and Ryan had joined me in the den at the main house the day after I fainted. I didn’t know where the girls were. I was just glad Jade wasn’t anywhere near. She hadn’t left yet, and now she wouldn’t have to.
I was leaving.
“I’ve thought about this a lot. You need to get on with your lives, both of you. So does Marjorie.
And so does her friend. All I do is disrupt everything.”
“Where you think you’re going to go?”
“Does it matter? Maybe I’ll reenlist.”
“Please,” Ryan said. “Don’t do that. We need you here. Nothing was the same when you were gone last time.”
“No one needs me. I destroy everything I touch. I can’t stay here and do what I’ve done to the two of you to our little sister. Or to Jade.”
God, no, not to Jade. Jade was sunshine, rainbows, the fresh air of the Colorado Rockies. She was everything that was good in the world, and if I stayed, I would destroy her.
I could not live with that. As much as I wanted her, I had to let her go.
“You haven’t done anything to us,” Jonah said.
I shook my head. “Do you think I can’t see it? What happened to me lives in the two of you.
Maybe not in the same way, but you’re just as affected by it as I am.”
“Talon—” Jonah began.
“Don’t start, Joe. You blame yourself for the whole ordeal. I know you do. I’ve heard you say it time and time again. It should’ve been you. You should’ve been there to protect me. Well, you weren’t there. I’ve never blamed you for that, so you need to stop blaming yourself.”
He turned to Ryan. “And Ryan, you got away. That was a good thing.”
“I only got away because of you,” Ryan said, casting his gaze downward.
“So what? The fact is, you got away. I wanted you to get away. I would do it again tomorrow if I had to.”
“You were stronger, bigger. You could’ve run, Tal. Why didn’t you run? Why did you sacrifice yourself to save me?”
I shook my head. I was thankful my little brother had been spared. And my older brother as well.
“Why can’t the two of you just be happy? Be happy this didn’t happen to you. I sure as hell am.”
Jonah sighed. “Talon, it’s not that we…”
“It’s not that you what? Why are you afraid to say it? Just say it, goddamnit! ‘I’m glad it didn’t happen to me.’ You should be fucking glad. You should be down on your knees thanking whatever deity you believe in that it didn’t happen to you. It’s okay to say that. It’s okay to be happy that you didn’t go through the horror I went through.”
“Talon,” Ryan said.
“Say it. Both of you. I want you to fucking say it. Say ‘I’m fucking glad none of that shit happened to me.’”
My brothers both remained silent.
Not that I expected anything else. I sure as hell was glad that it hadn’t happened to them. It was understandable why I was having a hard time letting the whole damn thing go. Them? I really couldn’t understand anymore.
Maybe I didn’t want to understand. Maybe I was just waiting for the day when all of this would go away in a puff of smoke. But I knew better. That day would never come. This was my burden to bear.
I would never be free of it.
“I didn’t think you could say it. And that’s okay. But I do need to leave. Try to understand.” I walked toward the door and then through it, leaving my brothers behind.
I headed toward my suite, and then, on a whim, turned around and headed back the other way, to Jade’s bedroom. It was Sunday. She might be sleeping in. I hadn’t seen her or Marjorie yet that morning.