Why? Why had I bothered to stay alive?
Cold desperation paralyzed me.
The boy. He was me.
He is me.
God help me.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
JADE
I cried into my pillow until finally, my nose clogged, my face swollen, I fell asleep.
I woke the next morning, rose, and walked into my bathroom. A look in the mirror was a terrible reminder. My eyes were swollen from sobbing, my nose red. My hair was matted with tangles. I grabbed my brush and put it through my hair, wincing when I hit a knot. I brushed it through, reveling in the pain of tearing the tangle out of my hair.
It hurt, but no tears came. I was all cried out. I turned the shower on, and the whoosh of water was somehow comforting. Once the bathroom was good and steamy, I stepped in, letting the hot water scald my skin. I stood there for a few minutes, not washing my hair, not washing my face, just relishing the hot water on my body.
After a few more moments, I shook my head, sniffed, and squirted some shampoo into my palm.
Time to move forward.
When I finished washing, I stepped out of the shower and dried off, taking a dry cloth and wiping a circle in the steam on the mirror. I still looked like hell, but my face would recover from the crying jag. My face, my body—they would show no sign of my time with Talon Steel.
Not so for my heart.
I toweled off, dried my hair, and went back into the bedroom. I grabbed some underpants out of my top drawer.
My top drawer.
It was no longer my top drawer. I was no longer welcome here.
I thought about Marj. She would tell me to stay, no matter what Talon had said.
Which was exactly why I wasn’t going to wake her. She had gotten in late last night from her cooking class. I’d heard her after midnight. Today was Saturday, and she would be sleeping in. I could pack up fairly quickly, call a cab, and go to Grand Junction. It would be a hefty fair, but I didn’t care.
I’d have to call Larry and quit my job. I actually liked the job, but I definitely had issues with Larry’s ethics, so I’d find a better job in Grand Junction. I’d find work with lawyers I respected. I would have liked to give Larry two weeks’ notice, but that wouldn’t be possible, and I couldn’t very well commute from Grand Junction without a car. The cab fare alone from here was going to take all of my spare cash.
I bit back more tears as I pulled all my underwear and socks out of my top drawer and walked over to my bed to set them down.
I gasped.
On my pillow sat one perfect red rose.
I had scarcely gotten settled in my hotel room when my cell phone rang. It was a number I didn’t recognize.
“Hello?”
Silence for a moment. Then, “Jade?”
The voice was familiar, so like my own. Even though I hadn’t heard it in years, I knew exactly who was on the other end of the line.
“Hello, Mother.”
“Jade, darling, how are you?”
Seriously? How did she think I was? And if she really cared, she would’ve asked a long time before now. But I was not in the mood to get into anything with her. After what I had been through with Talon at the ranch, I didn’t want any more drama. “I’m fine, Mother. How are you?”
“How nice of you to ask. Things are going well for me. I’m dating a wonderful new gentleman, and I’m going to write my memoirs. Can you believe it? Me, a writer.”
Yep, always about her. Classic Brooke Bailey. I say “fine,” and she gives me her life story.
“That sounds nice,” I said.
“I’m in town, darling. Nico—that’s my new beau—and I would love to take you to dinner.”
“You’re in Grand Junction?”
“Yes, isn’t that just a hoot?”
A hoot, indeed. “What are you doing here?”
“Nico is originally from Colorado, and he has family here. So we came for a short visit. You’ll have to tell me how to get to your ranch, though, and we’ll pick you up.”
“That’s not necessary, actually. I’m in Grand Junction now. I moved off the ranch.”
“You did? My goodness. Well, tell me where you are, and we’ll pick you up.”
And that was that. No questions about why I had left the ranch. No questions about what I was doing in Grand Junction. No questions about me at all. Did she know I’d passed the bar exam? Hell, did she even know I’d gone to law school?
“There’s no reason for you to pick me up. I have a car and I can come to you.” A lie, of course, but I didn’t want her to see me in the seedy hotel I had rented by the week until I could find an apartment. Not that she would care, but I had a little pride.