I take the branch and whip it at him, his head jerking away to avoid the flurries, but I catch his grin.
My own falls, a sting hitting the back of my eyes as I stare at him. That’s the first time I’ve seen that. Something like happiness on his face.
He meets my gaze, and I quickly blink away the tears, not sure what the hell is wrong with me. It’s only a beautiful smile, because I’ve never seen it.
We move to the next twig, and I instruct him with a nod to cut that one and a few more close by. He lays them in my arms as the wind kicks up, and thunder cracks overhead. A shiver runs down my spine.
He reaches around me again, his arms circling me as he lays the last twig in my arms, and I stay there, waiting for another branch, but…
It doesn’t come.
I close my eyes, feeling a light snowfall hit my cheeks.
I want to turn around.
And I don’t.
Kaleb scares me. Making love to him, it felt like… Like I’d never wake up.
Like I was suspended. I didn’t like it.
But I loved it.
I was lost but at peace. Drifting. With Noah and Jake, I can see the future. I know what will happen, but with Kaleb, there’s nothing. I can’t see the next five minutes, because the feelings evolve. He changes me.
I’m afraid I’ll lose my foothold. I don’t want to go back to being who I was. Scared, waiting, unsure… I don’t want anyone to have so much power over my emotions again.
He just stands there behind me, his warmth making the hair on the back of my neck rise, and I look down at his arms at my side, feeling his head drop into the back of mine.
A lump stretches my throat.
But I lean back into him all the same, a fire coursing through my blood.
This is how he talks to me.
His hot breath hits the back of my hair as he slowly pulls my hat off, my hair fluttering across my face as I tense.
Then he brings his arm down hard, knocking the twigs out of my hands.
My chest caves.
The twigs fall to the ground, and I clench my fists, my blood racing. A tornado hits my stomach, and I can’t move. Shit.
His hands trail down the arms of my black pea coat, his fingers tightening around me, and I only have a moment before he plants his hand on my back and shoves me forward.
I gasp, stumbling through the snow. The fear makes my stomach sink a little, but it warms, too, making the world spin. I straighten, about to whip around, but he nudges me again, not toward the shop and house, but…toward the barn.
I throw a glance at the closed shop door. Noah and Jake probably still work quietly inside behind the closed door.
He pushes me again. And again until I start walking on my own.
Steam billows out of my mouth, my hair falling in my eyes, and I glance behind me to see his gaze locked on me, following my every step.
Don’t be gentle. Don’t let me forget what I am to you.
He shoves me again, and I whip around this time, ready to push back, but he charges into me, pushing me up against the barn.
This is how he is. A breeze one minute, a cyclone the next.
He does exactly what he wants.
I barely breathe as he hovers over my mouth. Un-balling my fingers, he yanks my gloves off and works the buttons of my black pea coat. Gripping the lapels, he yanks me into him, coming for my lips.
But I twist my head away.
No kissing. Not this time.
Tightening his fingers, he jerks me into him again, bringing his mouth down, but he only gets within an inch. I hold myself back, shaking my head.
No.
The heat of his scowl burns my skin.
He grabs me by the jaw, and I clench my teeth as he forces my face up, his lips crashing down on mine. His mouth sears in his rage, but I steel myself, keeping my lips closed as I push him away.
“Ugh!” I growl.
He stumbles back, and I launch to make my escape, but he grabs me again, one hand on my jacket and the other in my hair, holding me to him as he forces his tongue into my mouth. The wet heat sends a shockwave through me, and my knees buckle. I want to wrap my arms around him.
I want to enjoy this.
But I twist my face away, his lips sinking into my neck. “Kaleb, no,” I choke out.
No kissing.
He rips his mouth off me, pushes the door open, and shoves me inside, following me and shutting the door behind us. I slip out of my jacket, the wool rubbing against my stitches as I stumble out of his hold. I suck in a breath at the ache in my arm, but it’s forgotten almost immediately.
I scurry backward, facing him but unable to look at him. If I look at him, I’ll lose it. I want him too much.
“Just no kissing,” I murmur more to myself than him. “Please.”